On reaching the end of the line

Having finally gotten to the end of the marriage part of my chronicles over the weekend, I've suddenly felt purged of that relationship. I know that the most difficult part of the writing is yet to come, his suicide, my grief, the lost years, the long and painful rebuilding of my life and care factor about living, but I've now reached the end of the marriage itself. It has been like riding that rollercoaster all over again in the past six weeks of so since starting the process, and getting to the end has been an immense relief (as it was the first time around). I feel like I've done the grieving for the actual relationship itself that I was unable to do the first time because I was too busy fighting my grief for the man himself.

I never did this, grieve the loss of the relationship. I felt I didn't need to. Obviously I did.

I have often felt my love and passion was going to waste. What I have found through writing my story is that all that love and passion is now turned inwards.