It's been a month now. I can acknowledge it. The happy permeates my being, all the time now. I cannot remember a time in my life where I felt this continuously, deliriously, happy ALL. THE. TIME.
I used to feel moments of joy, bliss even. But my general, underlying vibe was "dogged determination". Feeling the happy took extreme concentration.
Now it's just, well, THERE! I don't need to try, or to chase. It's there. I have been looking over my shoulder wondering when the punchline was going to happen, when the cosmic joke finally caught up with me. I don't think it's coming this time. I think this is it.
This is what I have been working towards my whole life, and once I stepped off the treadmill to smell the roses I planted, I suddenly "got" it. That this is what it means to be alive - just "be" in the moment. Not having to worry where I have to be, who I have to impress, what I have to do and when things will fall over.... that all seems redundant now.
I can just be me.
Super happy me.
I have been told countless times that I am glowing, that my default expression is a big dopey grin, even when I'm not engaged in a conversation with someone.
I am immersing myself in creative pursuits, I have finished my book, started the second, finished a short film screenplay, started a second, and booked into a photography course (something I have been wanting to do for years now, and never set aside the time for myself to do it.)
I am grateful for all the offers of work that have come in, and I promise I will settle down soonish.... but even then the settling will be at my pace, with work that inspires me, that I know I will get as much pleasure from creating as my clients will get from receiving... it's just who I need to be now.
It's insane how happy feels. It is both the journey and the destination.
