Mumford & Sons

We have torrential rain in Sydney, and we are about to head out to see Mumford & Sons at The Domain....

But I have decided to dress up anyway!

I give you Exhibit A: outdoor live music ready to wear. Easy ponytail to avoid wet hair. Earphones with the band's latest tunes. Black obsidian necklace. Easy tunic featuring rustic folk pattern to suit both outdoors and M&S's brand of folk-inspired music. Rose quartz ring to display my lovin' 'tude towards the dude who bought these tickets for my 42nd birthday. Black thongs featuring glittery sides for both practical application in the wet, but also a nod to the glam outing (not shown).

Ready to rock! (and get wet)

Blog a day.... sometimes

I am not doing terribly well at this blog per day business. I am just going to call it and say I will try my best to post every day, but that may not happen all the time. Okay, even some of the time. Let me be very honest, I'm not great at follow through pretty much ALL of the time.

But I am trying, in my flawed human way, to be better. So like every other venture I have launched and then let fizzle, I am going to let myself off this hook this time, and promise "I will be better... I will try harder.... I will not try to be perfect and then stop doing what I love because I end up NOT being perfect."

Lotsa love to you if you are reading, and for me (who is writing this without the certainty that there is a "you" who is reading)
xxx

Au-jourd'hui Je suis Paris (aka sometimes gratitude is bloody hard)

Today the world woke up to terrible news. Multiple attacks on Paris, the city of love. Again the world wept and we asked "Why do these people exist?" We don't understand, we lash out at the wrong people, and many of us try and blame the victims for these awful events.

It's tough, under these circumstances, to find something to be grateful for. Being grateful for simply being halfway around the world from those who have been directly hit in these circumstances seems glib and rather selfish. Being grateful for those who help seems like we are trying too hard to find good in what is essentially good-less acts.

This meaningless loss of life and horror, all in the name of "my god is better than your god" is bloody horrible. And we should feel the horror.

Sometimes all we can do is keep these events in our hearts and minds and promise faithfully not to let evil beget evil.

Au-jourd'hui Je suis Paris.

Day trippin'

No post yesterday as I was TOO BLOODY BUSY HAVING A GREAT DAY!

Early morning start for a day trip out to the Blue Mountains. I considered it a privilege having an excuse to take my day off on a random Tuesday and be the one who shows off our fair assets to the west of our city to a visitor from the UK.

We had a wonderful day exploring the Everglades Gardens at Leura, where I took every opportunity to try out my new-found knowledge on the DSLR camera. It was a blast. We feasted upon Devonshire Tea (scones with jam, clotted cream and tea - diet be damned for a day!). And drank in the wonderful sunshine.



Next stop was Katoomba for the obligatory look at the 3 Sisters. I regaled my guest with the mythological origins of the story behind the rock formation, and we took a short hike out to Honeymoon Bridge, defying the steep stone stairs that were built by the Ranger Jim McKay back in god-knows-when! (EDIT: It was started in 1914, then had a break as the project was deemed too expensive - full story here )

We then did a little tourist inspired window shopping on the main street of Leura, which was delightful in itself. Just some of the wares I spotted on our travels are on my Instagram account.

When we finally got home in the evening, I then trotted off to my photography class to learn how to do night photography. We had a great time playing around with street lights, long exposures and painting with light. I'm going to have a lot of fun this week trying out the new skills!

The colour purple

Sydney in Spring is a veritable bower of jacarandas. The shade of purple is very specific, and very calming.

Today I was surrounded by the Colour Purple.


“I think it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don't notice it. People think pleasing God is all God cares about. But any fool living in the world can see it always trying to please us back.”
― Alice Walker, The Color Purple

 

HeavenTweetBookGram

My boyfriend thinks I'm hilarious.

This morning, after hearing how I'd amused myself while he was at work, he said: "If I was in heaven I would totally follow you, and just check in every day to see what you were up to. I bet they're up there, randomly seeing what you do, and chuckling to themselves saying "funniest program ever.""

I like the thought of Heaven social media platform being able to "follow" humans down here.

*waves to Banny, Pop, Nan and Pa*

Female Ricky Gervais

This is me being happy - in top to toe horizontal stripes. They make me happy, so shut up :)

Don't go chasing waterfalls

We had glorious sunshine this morning.

Then this happened....

Umbrellas

I know I should be glad of the rain. But when I have to go out in it, still half ill, I don't get all "Singing in the Rain" about it.

And then I change my perspective...

Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

They say that, cultural viewpoints aside, the human species has a fairly universal view of beauty.... despite race, religion, age or gender, we are all meant to be drawn towards symmetry, smooth skin, and markers of procreation's superiority.

However, I disagree somewhat with these findings. I have always been drawn to flawed beauty. And what I hold as beauty is not perfect symmetry or smoothness, but interesting features that tell a story about the individual. I love staring deeply into faces (photos mostly as in real life staring too hard into peoples' faces is a bit disconcerting... more on that  later); I love seeing peoples' souls reflected in their eyes; the markers of their lives on their faces and hands. I love noticing the tiny details about that person which makes them unique. I love sleuthing and deducing personalities, life moments and "feeling" their back stories.

Some have found it super spooky that I can tell almost immediately what is surrounding them, or what has transpired in their lives, simply from looking at them or a photo of them with others. It's simply deep intuition, the more meditation I did, the more I could intuit from that person.

I try not to do it these days, as I said it is somewhat disconcerting if that person has not invited such intense scrutiny.

When I was a young child (under 5), I used to do this instinctively, and I found myself drawn to older faces. My great aunt's face (grandmother's sister) in particular held such interest for me. Her face was weathered and deep-etched with lines, and I used to stare openly at her with a gaze which must have felt highly intrusive and embarrassing for her. Feeling very self-conscious about her appearance, she asked my mother to tell me to stop staring.

My mother took me aside and explained gently that "Auntie Mary doesn't like you staring at her face, she feels embarrassed". And apparently I said quite genuinely "But mum, I love her face, it's beautiful."

And these character-filled faces still are beautiful to me.

Photo credit: http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/08/17-quotes-1-video-happy-old-age/

Coffee

Coffee makes me happy. I am grateful for my personal coffee maker. Gifted to me when I first moved into my apartment in Surry Hills, which was more about getting away from my old house, than getting into a trendy area.

This apartment was my sanctuary from the world when I was still raw.

Being able to have fresh coffee without leaving the house was amazing.

Sydney, I hardly know ye

I often walk to Broadway Shopping Centre. It's a nice mid-distance walk from Surry Hills. I usually follow City Road. But today I noticed that the tunnel under Central Station goes much further than I remembered, so I followed it to another route. It was delightful exploring another side of my neighbourhood that I hadn't seen before.

It was also very peaceful as there weren't any crowds or traffic to negotiate. I could go at my own brisk pace, and avoid traffic lights, making it a consistent walk.

I also found lots more nooks and statues to snap along the way!

I HAVE A DATE!

Today's gratitude is easy.

I HAVE A DATE FOR MARRYING BIPOLAR'S PUBLICATION!!!!!!

This means i can lock in a date for the book launch, which I am planning to be 1st April, 2016. The reason I am so set on this date, as it will be the anniversary of my wedding, which adds a nice symmetry to all of this.

I owe, I owe (blogs)

Sigh. Life really does get in the way of writing, in all its gloriousness!

I haven't done my daily blog since Sunday, so now I owe you all 5 blogs (6 counting today!) So let's make this a short and sweet gratitude per day.

Monday 26 October - AKA Work Happies

The day before a big event, I am normally to be found herding people, fine tuning last minute messaging, and doing any number of triages on editorial emergencies. Monday felt like it was all under control. There were some last minute preparations, but it was all very stress-free. I felt like I finally have the balance between corporate life and freelancing! Which is a blessing as I was wondering how I would go leaving corporate altogether! (I do like the pace, I must admit!)

Tuesday 27 October - AKA Happiness is Not Listening to Douches

So at the cocktail evening of our event, I was cornered by a man I dubbed Douchie Douchbag McDouche. Just a couple of snippets from our conversation and you will realise why:

Snippet #1 (as he interrupted a fascinating conversation I was engaged in to drag me away and converse with him)

DDMcD: You look bored, why don't you talk to me,
Me: Er, okay. But I wasn't bored, I was actually quite fascinated by....
DDMcD: Yes you were, you were standing like this (imitates my stance by placing his chin on his hand, as I had been standing, in rapt fascination of the conversation....) Anyway I'm much more interesting than him.

Snippet #2 (after I politely gave him half a chance, like the "nice" person I am)
Me: So which presentation are you most looking forward to listening to tomorrow?
DDMcD: Oh I don't know. And I bet you won't be there.
Me: Actually I'm really looking forward to learning more about [company] and the technology as well as the partner strategies....
DDMcD: (interrupting me) Oh no, you'll be off shopping!
Me: (Taken aback) No, not really. I'm here to learn! Anyway, I don't like shopping.
DDMcD: Of course you do, all women love shopping.
Me: In your experience, maybe.

Snippet #3
DDMcD: So which part of Sydney are you from?
Me: Surry Hills
DDMcD: Oh, you're one of THOSE people, are you?
Me: What does "one of those people" mean?
DDMcD: (leering) I'm just f*&%ing with you.

Snippet #4 (After noticing I was not drinking)
DDMcD: Where's your drink? Here, I'll get you one (Starts clicking and waving at the waitstaff)
Me: No it's alright, I have already asked one of the waitstaff for one.
DDMcD (flagging down a waiter) You drink red wine...
Me: No, I don't, I'm not drinking. I'm waiting for a mineral water.
DDMcD: (looking at me doubtfully) Why aren't you drinking?
Me: (not wishing to go into the personal reasons) I have a bet with myself that I can go a whole year without alcohol.
DDMcD: No... I know why you're not drinking.... you're shy.
Me (really getting to the end of my patience with this jerk who keeps judging me and coming up completely wrong) Shy? What on earth does that have anything to do with not drinking?
DDMcD: You are shy of letting your boss see you drink at your new job.
Me: No, that's not correct at all, excuse me, I have to go.

So, dear readers, where's the strawberry in that? In my past life I would consider it my "job" or duty to continue entertaining this lughead. Instead, I recognised the inevitable negative feeling I would get from continuing to engage, so I simply removed myself from his company and avoided him pointedly for the rest of the event.

Wednesday 28 October, AKA: Having my conference and walking too!
Having reignited my fitbit passion, I got up early and walked along the beach, which was metres from the stunning hotel we were all staying at.

A picture tells a thousand words, so here's 2,000 words below :)

 

Thursday 29 October, AKA: 6 Degrees of Separation!

So, with the formalities of the event over, I spent the day with our amazing, and crazy, left-of-centre, events folks. Laughed like I have not laughed in a very long time. Then added them all to Facebook, with the result that one came running up to me, "ARE YOU A DAVID?!?!?" he asked. "Yes." "OMG, I grew up with your cousins! I worked with your auntie!"

Talk about 6 degrees of separation! Turns out we have been ducking and weaving most of our lives at family events and gatherings! Here is me waving to my cousins through his phone :D

Friday, 30 October, AKA: It's a good life!
Yesterday was my day off from my contract role, so I got to work on web stuff, which I really enjoy. I also got a few more commissions, meaning I will not be experiencing the typical freelance downtime over summer as I had anticipated! This is great from a financial perspective, but I wonder if i will be able to enjoy fun in the sun? I guess I will take my laptop to Clovelly :D

Oh, and early payment from one of my jobs was also a bonus!

Freelance life = WINNING!

Tribes

Tribe is a word that gets used a lot these days. I must admit, I have been really skeptical of the word, as it seems to have been adopted for marketing purposes to describe a group of people that belong belong to or identify with an online community, than its original description, which is:

"a distinct people, dependent on their land for their livelihood, who are largely self-sufficient, and not integrated into the national society. It is perhaps the term most readily understood and used by the general public." - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tribe

So, in my view, it sat a little uncomfortably with me. Until today. I met some of the community from Creating Vibrant Bodacious Health through HCG! Far from being a "diet" page that focuses purely on self deprivation and weight loss, this page was created with love by a bodacious warrrior woman to focus on all things health, and create bodacious lives for ourselves.

Hmmmm, this sounds like my tribe, yes?

And they are!

Here are some of the snaps form today. looking forward to meeting more of the tribe in February, at the Symposium for Health!!!

xxx

 

Food, family, food, fun and more food

I became part of a wonderful extended family 3 years ago when I met my equally wonderful boyfriend. I have grown more fond of them all as the years have progressed.

This family is Maltese, which is really funny considering my late husband was also Maltese (one could say I have a very specific 'type'!)

Part of the beauty of this is that I already know about the nuances that a Maltese family brings. As someone who has been exposed to this from quite a young age, I can almost understand the language!

But perhaps my attraction to this group of people is because I am such a foodie, and the maltese mamas.... gosh can they cook! My boyfriend has a wonderful mama who was a dedicated and loving mum to 4 children, an amazing cook, and a generous and kind soul.

"Mama Gatt", as I call her, threw me a surprise birthday dinner last night with the entire family. It was amazing! As always, we started with soup. Tomato soup. But as always hers had a twist.

Bacon!

Coz Mama Gatt understands that bacon makes everything better :)

Then an amazing dish that I have heard so much about over the last 3 years, Laham Fuq il-Fwar (pronouced lamb fool fwah). Until last night, when I asked how this dish was spelled, the rest of the family thought it was lamb. Nope, it's Maltese steamed beef. And it simply falls apart.

It is served with mashed potatoes and peas, and there are some pretty specific rules around dishing it out, as another "in-law" discovered as he went to cut the meat.... the entire clan of siblings descended on him, shouting instructions over each other in their haste to preserve the structure of the meat, and the "proper way" to eat this dish! Suitably put in our places, we both sat back while Papa Gatt, the patriach of this quirky clan, showed us how it was done - meat, then mash and peas, the pour the gravy over the mash and peas.

The dish was, to put it mildly, succulently delicious!

But wait that was by no means, all!

We had, not one, not two, but THREE desserts!

Mama Gatt had remembered me saying in passing that my favourite sweet dish of hers is apple crumble. This simple dish that I have made plenty of times before, becomes a culinary miracle when made in her kitchen! It is both crunchy and caramel-y all at the same time... and got all the leftovers to myself! ha!

There was also lemon meringue pie, a family favourite, and chocolate cake with cute candles. All in all, the spread was exactly what I call a manifestation of why we have bodies and taste buds. In short, it was utterly satisfying.

But. more satisfying was the feeling that I have been one hundred percent accepted and embraced into their lives, and that is infinitely better than anything you could dish up.

Blessed doesn't begin to cover it :)

ND... phone home

Short post, an easy one to be grateful today. I got a new phone after putting up with my old one for almost 4 years!

I am not one to change phones often, but 2 years ago I did and then promptly dropped the brand spanking new phone into the toilet (don't ask).

So I had to put up with my old one for much longer than most people do these days! It was getting... slow. Like anyone that has passed their prime, it would go into an app, then promptly forget why it was there and shut it down.

Suffice to say it tried my patience. A lot.

So I upgraded, and got a great deal! Shiny new toys do make me happy.

Now, where did I put those instructions!

When it rains, it pours

Literally!

There is a 200 metre walk between my car park and my apartment building. Halfway down this walk tonight, the skies opened up and pelted water at me.... it was fast and furious enough that stopping to retrieve and open my umbrella would have resulted in me getting more drenched than simply picking up the pace, laughing hysterically all the way home at how wet I was suddenly getting!

I had taken a shot of the rain only moments before, you can already see the rain coming down in torrents.

And yet, somehow it got far worse! It felt like I was suddenly wading through a waterfall.

It made me recall my boyfriend's Homeless Challenge earlier this year, and how grateful I am to have a roof over my head, a warm bed to sleep in, and easy access to a shower to clean up after a sudden downfall of rain.

Working to live, no longer living to work

I have a confession to make. I am a recovering workaholic. No sooner had I attained one goal, than another took its place, like weeds in an untended garden. I rarely stopped to smell the roses.... well how could I when they were choked by the rambling debris of discarded achievements, barely tended to?

I made a dramatic decision earlier this year, and left my well-paid, secure, high-level executive position at a large media and content marketing organisation. I took 6 weeks off to do absolutely nothing. Then I took a deep breath and put myself out there.

It has paid off in spades, almost immediately. And I'm not just talking financially. I have never been happier, and more effortlessly chilled. My emotional wellbeing is at an all-time high.

The best part is, I'm still really really busy (I only have one speed, or I get bored).

Plus I get time to do all the really cool things I have been putting off for a long time, like photography courses, and writing my second book, a screenplay, and hanging out with amazingly lovely people.

I am grateful for my work ethic, but I have let go of what no longer serves me - the addiction to my job.

Two-in-one blogpost!

Hmmm looks like I have dropped the gratitude ball already and owe two blog posts for the last couple of days.

Sunday, 18th October, AKA: It's getting hot in here, let's take off all our clothes!
I have been working with my doctor on quite a few health issues, and taking the necessary medicine (with a spoonful of sugar). My doctor is a holistic practitioner, who combines western science-backed medicine with Chinese medicine, nutritional expertise and naturopathy. So sometimes the tests I need to do and treatments I must take can be a combination of pills, meditation and, well, other practices.

One of the most pleasant treatments I have been instructed to take is weekly infrared saunas (to reduce the amount of copper that has built up in my bloodstream and shows no sign of reducing).

While I don't particularly enjoy the traditional sauna experience (I feel like I am going to suffocate) I am not "hating" the infrared sauna experience.

Meanwhile I have found a spa that has a "membership" package (like a gym membership, but one that I actually use) with loads of lovely extras that completely makes up for the sauna experience.

Monday 19th October, AKA: I'd like to praise you like I do
I have always run on praise - rather than money, this is my NUMBER ONE motivation! As I have transitioned from full time corporate monkey to footloose and fancy freelancing, I realise I will be relying on this driver more than ever. So I am ever so thankful to a client who, when I submitted some work at 10pm, wrote back almost immediately with "I couldn't help myself and had to give them a quick read... Love it!"

OH PRAISE THE LORD MY ITCH HAS BEEN SCRATCHED!!!

Friends and cabaret

Two of the greatest things in life: true friends and live music.

My life is overflowing with these blessings :D

Unexpected time

At home sick today. I don't like feeling crappy. But it has given me some unexpected time to work on book launch ideas!

PLUS! WEBSITE LAUNCHED TODAY! YAY!

Beauty in small details

Isn't it lovely how you can get such a thrill from noticing beauty in small things. For example, the tiny milk bottle and teacup holding the teapot. Delightful! Vue Bistro, Melbourne.

Getting shit done

Today's gratitude blog is about changing one's perspective on difficult situations.

Quite often we can find ourselves in uncomfortable surroundings, and feel trapped to change them. It can often be a relationship, or workplace, or simply an afternoon social event that you feel you cannot get out of without sacrificing something you don't want to sacrifice.

The trick is to change your perspective. Rather than suffer through the pain, try to find how that pain is teaching you a new skill.

Today I chatted with an old colleague who I have started working with again at a new workplace. We both agreed that the fast pace (sometimes breakneck speed) of our previous workplace has trained us in super-ninja-work skills.

Our time management is second to none, and we don't waste any time procrastinating in "getting shit done"!

We both laughed - what was once uncomfortable in many ways has been a wonderful lesson.

Book dedications

Today I wrote my book dedication.

Of course, I googled "how to write a book dedication" because, God forbid I should do it wrong!

I stumbled across this, and pissed myself laughing. Ahhhhh laughter; the best medicine!

26 Of The Greatest Book Dedications You Will Ever Read

 

365 offerings to The Meaning of Life

It was my birthday yesterday - the "big one". Number 42, the meaning of life! i have been obsessed with this number since I read "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy".... many many many MANY years ago!*

I never thought I would live to see this age (truly!) i have been through a fair amount of shit, and enough dark moments to wonder "is it really all worth it." and "I am not happy, and will never be" and "Why prolong the misery" and other such thoughts.

I am delighted to report these thoughts don't even come close to the surface anymore, and that the amount of joy i feel in everyday life ought to be packaged into a Disney movie somehow (am I making you feel ill, now? Well, tough, read on, cause I am going to tell you something that may make you sit up and take me seriously)

anyone can do it.

..........


Seriously........................


Anyone. I'm not that special.

Okay. I will give you a hint. Mule.

That's it. i'm as stubborn as... that is........


So no matter how tough it got, no matter how low I felt. When it really came down to it, and I decided I wasn't going to put my family through what I had been through. The choice came down to LIVE or DIE. and if I chose LIFE, then I was going to DAMN well try each and every day to make it the best life I could.

Otherwise, why bother?

So, to mark my 42nd year of this life, I will be blogging a thought or picture or moment that demonstrates the meaning of life. Or joy. Or "Strawberry" which was the original post I did when I went through the worst of the worst part of my grieving and depression.

It's not easy, but you can do it. YOU. JUST. NEED. TO. BE. RELENTLESSLY. FOCUSED. ON. FINDING. IT.

Today's strawberry: I give you CAAAAAAAKE!!!! I made this last week, it's coffee cake with coffee buttercream filling topped with coffee-caramel icing. MMMMMMMMMMM

 





*don't ask me how many years**

** okay it's because I don't recall, but it's almost certainly less than half my age.

It's time to feel the Happy

It's been a month now. I can acknowledge it. The happy permeates my being, all the time now. I cannot remember a time in my life where I felt this continuously, deliriously, happy ALL. THE. TIME.

I used to feel moments of joy, bliss even. But my general, underlying vibe was "dogged determination". Feeling the happy took extreme concentration.

Now it's just, well, THERE! I don't need to try, or to chase. It's there. I have been looking over my shoulder wondering when the punchline was going to happen, when the cosmic joke finally caught up with me. I don't think it's coming this time. I think this is it.

This is what I have been working towards my whole life, and once I stepped off the treadmill to smell the roses I planted,  I suddenly "got" it. That this is what it means to be alive - just "be" in the moment. Not having to worry where I have to be, who I have to impress, what I have to do and when things will fall over.... that all seems redundant now.

I can just be me.

Super happy me.

I have been told countless times that I am glowing, that my default expression is a big dopey grin, even when I'm not engaged in a conversation with someone.

I am immersing myself in creative pursuits, I have finished my book, started the second, finished a short film screenplay, started a second, and booked into a photography course (something I have been wanting to do for years now, and never set aside the time for myself to do it.)

I am grateful for all the offers of work that have come in, and I promise I will settle down soonish.... but even then the settling will be at my pace, with work that inspires me, that I know I will get as much pleasure from creating as my clients will get from receiving... it's just who I need to be now.

It's insane how happy feels. It is both the journey and the destination.

Decade

Today marks the 10th anniversary of my former husband's death.

It seems like a lifetime ago, something that happened to somebody else, not me. And yet sometimes it seems like yesterday. I catch myself in a memory, a moment of recognition that this whole "other" life was real. It mattered. He mattered.

He was a beautiful, flawed, individual. Like the rest of us. He battled demons that I still to this day don't fully understand. He didn't survive.

In the decade that has passed I have observed real progress in how we as a society treat and recognise mental illness as a real thing, not just something to be minimised, hidden from polite conversation, seldom mentioned, unless spoken about in hush-hush and guilty tones.

I often wonder, had he survived, whether he would have gone on to thrive and find his niche that he so clearly craved.

I don't suffer the crippling guilt anymore, but I do catch myself feeling sad every so often. He was a good soul. He didn't deserve the pain.

RIP Kevin. I know you are still very missed, to this day.

xxx

Musings on work and life. Striking the balance.

This afternoon following some typical discussion with my wonderful boyfriend who patiently listened to my future plans and dreams, mixed with a liberal dose of angst that the future will all work out the way I'd like it to, and musings aloud for the umpteenth time that my passion has always been storytelling; whether that be my early obsession with the Bill Collins Movie show, late nights watching old movies endlessly with my auntie, or my forays into improv; he finally observed wryly (with a twinkle in his eye)  that I have been unemployed for a day.

It stopped my musings dead in their tracks. Gosh, said I. And performed the necessary calcuations in my head. You're right! It feels like much, much longer in my head. Let me see, my last day in the office was on the 19th, my official final day of employment was the 20th, and yesterday was the 21st.... making it a grand total of.... one day.

Time is a funny thing. Perception can shape it, twist and extend it, or compress and make it move like the last drop of water falling from a closed tap.

He observed me struggling with that term "unemployed" for a few moments more, then asked "When was the last time you were unemployed?"

Again, I did the calculations. Well, said I. After my university degree, it took me some months to get my first full time job. But were you working during that time? Well, yes, I kept working at the family business, and also did waitressing at an Italian restaurant. In fact, on futher reflection, I haven't been unemployed since I was 16, when my holidays were spent helping out in various family businesses when I wasn't attending school or university courses, I was hell bent on ensuring I was fully employed in the pursuit of making a dollar towards my future hopes and dreams of being a fully fledged responsible adult who was 100% independent and making her own way in the world.

It has never stopped. Until yesterday.

How strange does it feel. I have never pursued that term, work life balance, I have always done things 150% right out of the box!

Even my unemployment has been started with the aim of attaining a new life skill in storytelling - screenwriting. I booked this course the day after I resigned. Is this some subconscious drive that cannot abide a moment in time where I am not occupying my brain or being in some way, shape or form? Or could it be just my innate curiosity about life, the universe, everything, that does not allow me to sit still for one moment in time?

I don't care, this doesn't feel like work at all. However, I am hoping my natural drive for employing myself in some kind of work will manifest in a meaningful way that can balance my responsible side with the pursuit of creativity. So it is written, universe. Let's creative this passionate life together!

xx

Hello Uncertainty

Hi there, long time no blog! (geez, have I heard that one before?)

I am 1-day out from the precipice of uncertainty and it feels fucking fantastic!

I have thrown in my lot with chance, fate, kismet. I have finally given myself over to absolute, 100% uncertainty. Me, the most "under control, OCD, planned" person there is!

There is no safety net right now, and it feels glorious!

Even if, in a few weeks' or months' time I take another path within corporate life, for the time being I revel in the pure bliss of the unknown.

I am taking a chance on me, on creativity. I am placing trust into the universe that I will manifest something that is right for me. Tonight I started a screenwriting course that may just be a lark, a fling, a chance to let my free spirit and imagination soar.... but who knows where it may lead.

I am so inspired by the decision to do..... nothing.... for the time being. I really am. Although there is also a part of me that is wondering "how long will this last?" and there is a part of my brain that is catalogue-ing all the possible avenues I have to approach to place boundaries and certainty to this glorious life. I really hope I can stave that impulse off for a little while longer..... I am really enjoying the freedom and irresponsibility for the time being :)

xx