It was my birthday yesterday - the "big one". Number 42, the meaning of life! i have been obsessed with this number since I read "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy".... many many many MANY years ago!*
I never thought I would live to see this age (truly!) i have been through a fair amount of shit, and enough dark moments to wonder "is it really all worth it." and "I am not happy, and will never be" and "Why prolong the misery" and other such thoughts.
I am delighted to report these thoughts don't even come close to the surface anymore, and that the amount of joy i feel in everyday life ought to be packaged into a Disney movie somehow (am I making you feel ill, now? Well, tough, read on, cause I am going to tell you something that may make you sit up and take me seriously)
anyone can do it.
..........
Seriously........................
Anyone. I'm not that special.
Okay. I will give you a hint. Mule.
That's it. i'm as stubborn as... that is........
So no matter how tough it got, no matter how low I felt. When it really came down to it, and I decided I wasn't going to put my family through what I had been through. The choice came down to LIVE or DIE. and if I chose LIFE, then I was going to DAMN well try each and every day to make it the best life I could.
Otherwise, why bother?
So, to mark my 42nd year of this life, I will be blogging a thought or picture or moment that demonstrates the meaning of life. Or joy. Or "Strawberry" which was the original post I did when I went through the worst of the worst part of my grieving and depression.
It's not easy, but you can do it. YOU. JUST. NEED. TO. BE. RELENTLESSLY. FOCUSED. ON. FINDING. IT.
Today's strawberry: I give you CAAAAAAAKE!!!! I made this last week, it's coffee cake with coffee buttercream filling topped with coffee-caramel icing. MMMMMMMMMMM
*don't ask me how many years**
** okay it's because I don't recall, but it's almost certainly less than half my age.
I never thought I would live to see this age (truly!) i have been through a fair amount of shit, and enough dark moments to wonder "is it really all worth it." and "I am not happy, and will never be" and "Why prolong the misery" and other such thoughts.
I am delighted to report these thoughts don't even come close to the surface anymore, and that the amount of joy i feel in everyday life ought to be packaged into a Disney movie somehow (am I making you feel ill, now? Well, tough, read on, cause I am going to tell you something that may make you sit up and take me seriously)
anyone can do it.
..........
Seriously........................
Anyone. I'm not that special.
Okay. I will give you a hint. Mule.
That's it. i'm as stubborn as... that is........
So no matter how tough it got, no matter how low I felt. When it really came down to it, and I decided I wasn't going to put my family through what I had been through. The choice came down to LIVE or DIE. and if I chose LIFE, then I was going to DAMN well try each and every day to make it the best life I could.
Otherwise, why bother?
So, to mark my 42nd year of this life, I will be blogging a thought or picture or moment that demonstrates the meaning of life. Or joy. Or "Strawberry" which was the original post I did when I went through the worst of the worst part of my grieving and depression.
It's not easy, but you can do it. YOU. JUST. NEED. TO. BE. RELENTLESSLY. FOCUSED. ON. FINDING. IT.
Today's strawberry: I give you CAAAAAAAKE!!!! I made this last week, it's coffee cake with coffee buttercream filling topped with coffee-caramel icing. MMMMMMMMMMM
*don't ask me how many years**
** okay it's because I don't recall, but it's almost certainly less than half my age.
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