Saturday, May 14, 2011

Thoughts

It's hard to know whether what you are doing is what you really want, or whether it is what people expect of you.

Sometimes I find it hard to spot the difference.

I am at a crossroads and there doesn't appear to be a whole lot of forward movement. Whenever this happens, I worry. I usually get to the end of the waiting plateau, and realise that it was a time of consolidation and that I needn't have worried, but during the waiting game it never feels like that, and the mind does tend to wander.

Sometimes I don't even feel like I should be here. Sometimes I feel like my time to shine is over, but then I meet someone else that shows me I have more to offer, more to give. And so I am currently forcing myself to keep hoping and keep smiling. But it's an effort.

I am hoping that someday soon that question I constantly ask is answered: what is my purpose? Why am I here? What has all these experiences I have gone through ultimately shown me? Why should I keep hoping? What is it all about?

I am in a questioning mode right now.

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