Working to live, no longer living to work

I have a confession to make. I am a recovering workaholic. No sooner had I attained one goal, than another took its place, like weeds in an untended garden. I rarely stopped to smell the roses.... well how could I when they were choked by the rambling debris of discarded achievements, barely tended to?

I made a dramatic decision earlier this year, and left my well-paid, secure, high-level executive position at a large media and content marketing organisation. I took 6 weeks off to do absolutely nothing. Then I took a deep breath and put myself out there.

It has paid off in spades, almost immediately. And I'm not just talking financially. I have never been happier, and more effortlessly chilled. My emotional wellbeing is at an all-time high.

The best part is, I'm still really really busy (I only have one speed, or I get bored).

Plus I get time to do all the really cool things I have been putting off for a long time, like photography courses, and writing my second book, a screenplay, and hanging out with amazingly lovely people.

I am grateful for my work ethic, but I have let go of what no longer serves me - the addiction to my job.

Two-in-one blogpost!

Hmmm looks like I have dropped the gratitude ball already and owe two blog posts for the last couple of days.

Sunday, 18th October, AKA: It's getting hot in here, let's take off all our clothes!
I have been working with my doctor on quite a few health issues, and taking the necessary medicine (with a spoonful of sugar). My doctor is a holistic practitioner, who combines western science-backed medicine with Chinese medicine, nutritional expertise and naturopathy. So sometimes the tests I need to do and treatments I must take can be a combination of pills, meditation and, well, other practices.

One of the most pleasant treatments I have been instructed to take is weekly infrared saunas (to reduce the amount of copper that has built up in my bloodstream and shows no sign of reducing).

While I don't particularly enjoy the traditional sauna experience (I feel like I am going to suffocate) I am not "hating" the infrared sauna experience.

Meanwhile I have found a spa that has a "membership" package (like a gym membership, but one that I actually use) with loads of lovely extras that completely makes up for the sauna experience.

Monday 19th October, AKA: I'd like to praise you like I do
I have always run on praise - rather than money, this is my NUMBER ONE motivation! As I have transitioned from full time corporate monkey to footloose and fancy freelancing, I realise I will be relying on this driver more than ever. So I am ever so thankful to a client who, when I submitted some work at 10pm, wrote back almost immediately with "I couldn't help myself and had to give them a quick read... Love it!"

OH PRAISE THE LORD MY ITCH HAS BEEN SCRATCHED!!!

Friends and cabaret

Two of the greatest things in life: true friends and live music.

My life is overflowing with these blessings :D

Unexpected time

At home sick today. I don't like feeling crappy. But it has given me some unexpected time to work on book launch ideas!

PLUS! WEBSITE LAUNCHED TODAY! YAY!

Beauty in small details

Isn't it lovely how you can get such a thrill from noticing beauty in small things. For example, the tiny milk bottle and teacup holding the teapot. Delightful! Vue Bistro, Melbourne.

Getting shit done

Today's gratitude blog is about changing one's perspective on difficult situations.

Quite often we can find ourselves in uncomfortable surroundings, and feel trapped to change them. It can often be a relationship, or workplace, or simply an afternoon social event that you feel you cannot get out of without sacrificing something you don't want to sacrifice.

The trick is to change your perspective. Rather than suffer through the pain, try to find how that pain is teaching you a new skill.

Today I chatted with an old colleague who I have started working with again at a new workplace. We both agreed that the fast pace (sometimes breakneck speed) of our previous workplace has trained us in super-ninja-work skills.

Our time management is second to none, and we don't waste any time procrastinating in "getting shit done"!

We both laughed - what was once uncomfortable in many ways has been a wonderful lesson.

Book dedications

Today I wrote my book dedication.

Of course, I googled "how to write a book dedication" because, God forbid I should do it wrong!

I stumbled across this, and pissed myself laughing. Ahhhhh laughter; the best medicine!

26 Of The Greatest Book Dedications You Will Ever Read

 

365 offerings to The Meaning of Life

It was my birthday yesterday - the "big one". Number 42, the meaning of life! i have been obsessed with this number since I read "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy".... many many many MANY years ago!*

I never thought I would live to see this age (truly!) i have been through a fair amount of shit, and enough dark moments to wonder "is it really all worth it." and "I am not happy, and will never be" and "Why prolong the misery" and other such thoughts.

I am delighted to report these thoughts don't even come close to the surface anymore, and that the amount of joy i feel in everyday life ought to be packaged into a Disney movie somehow (am I making you feel ill, now? Well, tough, read on, cause I am going to tell you something that may make you sit up and take me seriously)

anyone can do it.

..........


Seriously........................


Anyone. I'm not that special.

Okay. I will give you a hint. Mule.

That's it. i'm as stubborn as... that is........


So no matter how tough it got, no matter how low I felt. When it really came down to it, and I decided I wasn't going to put my family through what I had been through. The choice came down to LIVE or DIE. and if I chose LIFE, then I was going to DAMN well try each and every day to make it the best life I could.

Otherwise, why bother?

So, to mark my 42nd year of this life, I will be blogging a thought or picture or moment that demonstrates the meaning of life. Or joy. Or "Strawberry" which was the original post I did when I went through the worst of the worst part of my grieving and depression.

It's not easy, but you can do it. YOU. JUST. NEED. TO. BE. RELENTLESSLY. FOCUSED. ON. FINDING. IT.

Today's strawberry: I give you CAAAAAAAKE!!!! I made this last week, it's coffee cake with coffee buttercream filling topped with coffee-caramel icing. MMMMMMMMMMM

 





*don't ask me how many years**

** okay it's because I don't recall, but it's almost certainly less than half my age.

It's time to feel the Happy

It's been a month now. I can acknowledge it. The happy permeates my being, all the time now. I cannot remember a time in my life where I felt this continuously, deliriously, happy ALL. THE. TIME.

I used to feel moments of joy, bliss even. But my general, underlying vibe was "dogged determination". Feeling the happy took extreme concentration.

Now it's just, well, THERE! I don't need to try, or to chase. It's there. I have been looking over my shoulder wondering when the punchline was going to happen, when the cosmic joke finally caught up with me. I don't think it's coming this time. I think this is it.

This is what I have been working towards my whole life, and once I stepped off the treadmill to smell the roses I planted,  I suddenly "got" it. That this is what it means to be alive - just "be" in the moment. Not having to worry where I have to be, who I have to impress, what I have to do and when things will fall over.... that all seems redundant now.

I can just be me.

Super happy me.

I have been told countless times that I am glowing, that my default expression is a big dopey grin, even when I'm not engaged in a conversation with someone.

I am immersing myself in creative pursuits, I have finished my book, started the second, finished a short film screenplay, started a second, and booked into a photography course (something I have been wanting to do for years now, and never set aside the time for myself to do it.)

I am grateful for all the offers of work that have come in, and I promise I will settle down soonish.... but even then the settling will be at my pace, with work that inspires me, that I know I will get as much pleasure from creating as my clients will get from receiving... it's just who I need to be now.

It's insane how happy feels. It is both the journey and the destination.

Decade

Today marks the 10th anniversary of my former husband's death.

It seems like a lifetime ago, something that happened to somebody else, not me. And yet sometimes it seems like yesterday. I catch myself in a memory, a moment of recognition that this whole "other" life was real. It mattered. He mattered.

He was a beautiful, flawed, individual. Like the rest of us. He battled demons that I still to this day don't fully understand. He didn't survive.

In the decade that has passed I have observed real progress in how we as a society treat and recognise mental illness as a real thing, not just something to be minimised, hidden from polite conversation, seldom mentioned, unless spoken about in hush-hush and guilty tones.

I often wonder, had he survived, whether he would have gone on to thrive and find his niche that he so clearly craved.

I don't suffer the crippling guilt anymore, but I do catch myself feeling sad every so often. He was a good soul. He didn't deserve the pain.

RIP Kevin. I know you are still very missed, to this day.

xxx