Happiness: an obsession

I travelled to New York in my 20s, where I struck up a passing acquaintance with a French woman. We talked about life, the universe and everything (in other words, my kind of conversation). After our long and involved conversation she left me with these final words of wisdom:

"The most important thing in life is a penis."

Needless to say, I was a little gobsmacked and confused. Did she mean that you needed to be a man to get by in life? Did she mean that I, as a young woman, should pin my life goals on getting married? Did she mean that penis envy was at the heart of the feminist issues that prevented most of us forward progressive gals from getting the most out of life?

After ruminating long and hard (pardon the pun) over this conundrum, it finally dawned on me.

The advice had been lost in translation through her delightful French accent... the most important thing in life was, in fact, HAPPINESS!

The pursuit of happiness has been analysed, dissected, discussed, hypothesised, studied and deliberated upon. Surveys are conducted to determine how happy we are as a nation, as individuals, as demographics, any which way you care to chop up humankind and peer at it on a petrie dish.

The pursuit of happiness is even encoded into creeds, into national anthems, national psyches and an entire self-help genre has sprung from this sense of entitlement and pursuit of the damn thing.

I have spent a fair chunk of the last half a decade getting myself from a state of suicidal depression to the bouncing, joyful, lust-for-life attitude I currently display 90 per cent of the time. I was, for a long time, obsessed with this pursuit, and how it happens, and the whys, wherefores and how-to questions we all have.

If happiness is so important, what is the key to happiness?

Thankfully, yet another study has surfaced to satisfy my curious little mind.

According to new research, you can't blame your genes any longer, it is mainly your choice in partner and life goals that are the determinent to happiness. The study was done over 25 years, the only study to take long term tracking of happiness levels into account.

I found this fascinating. I have experienced some pretty low lows in my life, all within a very short period of each other, that tore me from my anchor in life, and sent me tail-spinning into a deep black abyss of pain. It was SOLELY my relationships with key family members and friends (although not, unfortunately due to having a great life partner, that was the reason I went on the spiralling journey in the first place) that re-focused me and my ability to set and maintain life goals. The first and most important of which being: stay alive long enough to make it worth living again.

The only thing that has improved my happiness levels since that time has been seeing my life goals come to fruition, such as doing improvisation comedy, being stable enough to maintain a great job again, prioritising friends and family, having friends and family who prioritise me in their lives (no matter how off-centre I sometimes get). Letting go of any kind of materialistic outlook (I know from experience how damaging that focus can be), and my happy partner these days is simply: myself.

My relationship with myself has only gone from strength to strength. I have allowed myself to grow, blossom and create room for happiness to come to me, rather than chasing it.

I journalled during my darkest hours. I sometimes read over those pages to see how far I have come, and it always brings tears to my eyes to see the journey from this end of the road.

I once wrote: "Happiness is like a butterfly. You can't chase it, so I have to just stand as still as I can and allow it to land on me."



RECIPE FOR CONTENTMENT
Key to being happy may not be in genes but in your choices by Amy Corderoy, Sydney Morning Herald, October 5, 2010 - 9:33AM

Have a happy partner

Don't be overworked or underworked

Prioritise family and community, and have a partner who does so as well

Don't be materialistic

Don't be obese