What a girl wants

I have recently had cause to counsel someone about feeling one way and yet acting in a way opposite to those feelings. I called it "not living authentically".

I want to explore that concept for me. I am about to encounter a few changes in my life, some have already been underway for some time. Others are just beginning. I have been doing life coaching for almost 3 months now, and it has been an inspiration to see how laying values out explicitly and seeing where the gaps are, can be completely transformational.

Even when I am not looking for transformation, it's come looking for me.

What do I actually want out of life, then? I am going to just list things as they occur to me, relying on my right brain "instinctual" side to answer this:

• love
• family
• health
• movement
• travel
• adventure
• authenticity
• emotional stability
• mental stability
• compassion
• understanding
• seeking
• questioning
• excellence
• truth
• beauty
• warmth
• confidence
• humour
• sponteneity
• courage
• conviction
• erudition
• spirituality
• peace
• love

I realise I have repeated love. It's important.

Time, time, time... see what becomes of me

I haven't blogged for a while. My issue, as always, is time.

I'd like to be honest here. I have never had a lot of time to spare. All my life I have been told "Natasha would do much better if she didn't rush."

I've always been in a hurry, always felt time poor, always crammed everything in to maximise what I can do in the time I have available. I am extremely social, with friends who (thankfully) are more often asking me to catch up than not. I have many many interests outside of work, such as my improvising comedy passion, my hobby business (kinesiology), music, theatre, shows amongst other "stuff" in general.

My family is currently undergoing a very stressful time. They are a huge priority for me at the moment, including getting around to seeing extended family members I don't get to see very often.

On top of all that, this gal needs to pay the bills, and she does so with a fairly demanding and brain-intensive job.

Not to mention, my health is a further priority right now, and I am about to start a 12 week body transformation challenge and training schedule in preparation for another triathlon, so early morning training sessions and dietary regimes means that I won't have the energy, time or stamina (as well as inclination) to do the sociable thing of late nights, alcohol-based catch ups and external dining experiences like I used to do...

All of this adds up to one thing. Time is a HUGE premium in my life.

Lately, I have felt like I am letting my friends down. I need to be quite clear that I do understand some feel "neglected". But I want to reassure everyone that I love you all (and am neglecting you all equally, if that's any consolation...)

I can't make any promises about things getting easier. Because I have done that before and felt like I have let people down even more when I couldn't keep that promise.

I need to put this out there loudly and strongly.

I am my own Number One priority right now. 

It's not that I don't want to catch up with  friends or make time for everyone, or that I am not concerned about people feeling left out of my life at the moment. It's just the way things need to be.

Please be aware that it's too easy for me to feel guilty for putting myself first, and it's something I am going to be more guarded against for the time being.

I love youse all.

xxx

Total "aha" moment!

OMG OMG OMG! I gotta share this "revelation".

You know how I bang on about all my past relationships being less than fulfilling and over all too quickly (hmmmmm *scratches head and thinks a bit about what she just admitted*)?

Well.... here are a few bolts of lightning from my authentic self who has been trying to be heard above the debris and noise that is my "ego". This is the message she [I] relayed to me this morning:

The universe has been protecting you, my dear. Those men were never worthy of you, consider them as your training wheels to give you some practice and to also show you that there are men who are attracted to you, even if for just a moment in time. The universe has been saving your man for you, and boy is he a winner! He has been looking for you as well, he has been learning his own life lessons, and when you are both ready to meet, you will meet and fall in love. You needed to fall in love with yourself first, to really appreciate how wonderful you really are before you were ready to meet him. Cos, guess what, he will love and accept you for exactly who you are. Take heart, because you are on your path, and when you are on your true path, things happen exactly as they ought. Be brave and admit what you really want out of life, and the universe will conspire to make it happen for you.

This message has been bubbling up within me ever since I blogged about my inner dialogue regarding relationships. It burst forth into my consciousness today, a mere 2 days after I created my vision board, which has some pretty impressive goals on it which I never dared breathe to others, let alone admit to myself that I wanted.

It's out there now. I am leaving it up to the universe to show me what it's got. And I'm excited!