Anyone who knows me, reads this blog, or even has a casual friendship with me via online social networking sites such as Facebook or Twitter, would know by now of my deep longing to meet 'Mr Right' for a long-term relationship (whatever that should look like). But I have been dating for such a long time (5 and a half years to be exact) that I despair it will ever happen. I had started beliving that maybe I was given just a couple of key chances at a fulfilling long term committed relationship and that I blew them!
But today I read this article in the Sydney Morning Herald Heartbreak helps you find 'the one' and I was heartened to discover instead that all my perceived "failures" in my marriage and in the short-term relationships that have followed since, might be stepping stones to something wonderful. All I have to do is take heed of the lessons I learned, and "put them altogether."
Seems easy, right?
Wrong. I battle countless negative internal programs that have not been made any less strident from having gone through each painful heartbreak. But as I have recently re-discovered, looking closely at the background mental programs that dictate my diet, exericise and financial habits has created a new level of awareness for me and contibuted to better choices I make each and every day. I am not perfect, but I am making better choices.
So perhaps the key to reprogramming my negatives self-beliefs about myself and my ability to meet and create a successful relationship is to reprogram the way I view past failures?
This will be a work in progress blog, because I can't list all the beliefs in the one sitting. When I catch myself in a moment, I will update this blog and choose a more positive way of looking at that mental program. The first few are the ones immediately at the forefront of my mind.
Please be kind, and remember a lot of these are not necessarily logical (for example numbers 4 & 8 are completely contradictory to number 11), but they are there. I am just bringing them into the light to have a good look at them.
1. It's too late, I'm way over the hill now, and men are only interested in 20-something women
2. Men don't like smart, funny women
3. I'm too fat
4. All the men I like don't like me "in that way"
5. Men don't like women who are too independent
6. I'm too abrasive
7. I intimidate men
8. I am not sexy
9. I laugh too loudly
10. I only fall in love with damaged men
11. Men just view me as good for one thing
12. Men will always abandon me (so it's safer to not to allow myself to be vulnerable)
13. I have nothing interesting to say
14. I don't have time
15. He doesn't exist
16. I'm too career focused
17. I'm not worthy of love
18. I'm too analytical
But today I read this article in the Sydney Morning Herald Heartbreak helps you find 'the one' and I was heartened to discover instead that all my perceived "failures" in my marriage and in the short-term relationships that have followed since, might be stepping stones to something wonderful. All I have to do is take heed of the lessons I learned, and "put them altogether."
Seems easy, right?
Wrong. I battle countless negative internal programs that have not been made any less strident from having gone through each painful heartbreak. But as I have recently re-discovered, looking closely at the background mental programs that dictate my diet, exericise and financial habits has created a new level of awareness for me and contibuted to better choices I make each and every day. I am not perfect, but I am making better choices.
So perhaps the key to reprogramming my negatives self-beliefs about myself and my ability to meet and create a successful relationship is to reprogram the way I view past failures?
This will be a work in progress blog, because I can't list all the beliefs in the one sitting. When I catch myself in a moment, I will update this blog and choose a more positive way of looking at that mental program. The first few are the ones immediately at the forefront of my mind.
Please be kind, and remember a lot of these are not necessarily logical (for example numbers 4 & 8 are completely contradictory to number 11), but they are there. I am just bringing them into the light to have a good look at them.
1. It's too late, I'm way over the hill now, and men are only interested in 20-something women
2. Men don't like smart, funny women
3. I'm too fat
4. All the men I like don't like me "in that way"
5. Men don't like women who are too independent
6. I'm too abrasive
7. I intimidate men
8. I am not sexy
9. I laugh too loudly
10. I only fall in love with damaged men
11. Men just view me as good for one thing
12. Men will always abandon me (so it's safer to not to allow myself to be vulnerable)
13. I have nothing interesting to say
14. I don't have time
15. He doesn't exist
16. I'm too career focused
17. I'm not worthy of love
18. I'm too analytical
That's a long list. Worth extracting and examining. See if you can reframe each statement into something more positive. E.G. I am not worthy of love" to "I invite love in and I give my love to others" etc. Then add to this post and check in with how reframing shifts things for you. xx
ReplyDeleteYes, that's the idea, Heather! The first step is to lay it all out, so that I can take a good look at the demons, then work out ways to reframe the beliefs xx
ReplyDeleteI just found a wonderful site that I am going to subscribe to: http://thedailylove.com/
ReplyDeleteToday's letter really spoke to me -
http://thedailylove.com/mastin-says-be-open-to-love-even-if-youve-been-hurt/