Synchronicity. I can haz.

Sometimes I wonder whether I have super powers.

The power of "putting a thought out there" then getting instant results never ceases to amaze me. My friends have often observed that as soon as I make a decision, something immediately happens as a result (seemingly not of my doing). I call this synchronicity.

It has been happening more frequently lately, and I do wonder whether this is the result of having cleared so much of my path to being on the road to who I truly need to be? That maybe my questioning over the last week has been nothing but worry-worting (as I am wont to do...)

Some examples of synchronicity in action for me:

• About a month ago, I started thinking about getting out of Sydney and visiting the Blue Mountains. I started searching for affordable weekend getaways, and that day my best friend from school days emailed me asking whether I'd like to do a city-Leura house swap with them.
• Last week I had a mini meltdown and started thinking about who to call for support. My sister? My mum? That night, mum called me and I had a little cry on her shoulder.
• On Monday I started thinking it was about time I began looking for contract work, as things have not been moving forward for me on the property sales front, and the very next day I started getting help and support in moving towards that path.
• On Monday I found myself thinking about the last guy I dated, and for the first time since calling things off looked him up, but did nothing more about it. That night he called, having mis-dialled but told me he thought "what the hell, let's have a chat", and we did chat. And a lot of issues appear to have been resolved. And we are catching up for coffee.
• Today I started thinking it's time I begin interviewing real estate agents, as I have just agreed on a date to move back to the family home. Just then, an agent I left a message with on Monday called me. Almost to the minute I resolved "it's time to move forward on this".

So, it is interesting to note, not that things are moving forward as a whole, but that the moment I decide to take action on a stepping stone, a pathway is cleared immediately for me to move in that direction.

Thoughts

It's hard to know whether what you are doing is what you really want, or whether it is what people expect of you.

Sometimes I find it hard to spot the difference.

I am at a crossroads and there doesn't appear to be a whole lot of forward movement. Whenever this happens, I worry. I usually get to the end of the waiting plateau, and realise that it was a time of consolidation and that I needn't have worried, but during the waiting game it never feels like that, and the mind does tend to wander.

Sometimes I don't even feel like I should be here. Sometimes I feel like my time to shine is over, but then I meet someone else that shows me I have more to offer, more to give. And so I am currently forcing myself to keep hoping and keep smiling. But it's an effort.

I am hoping that someday soon that question I constantly ask is answered: what is my purpose? Why am I here? What has all these experiences I have gone through ultimately shown me? Why should I keep hoping? What is it all about?

I am in a questioning mode right now.