Date? Why thank you, I’ll take half a dozen.

So, I have ventured back to the world of online dating. I have done this a couple of times in the past, and run away screaming from the outcomes*. One date, as I recall, actually asked me not to blaspheme. Twice. Now, I wasn’t going Biblical on him, just saying something like “Oh good Lord!” in response to something interesting (or startling) he had just said. Another memorable date was the guy who asked me to wait for him at the pub while he did some market research to supplement his income… And I actually did... for 20 minutes. I do not kid, people. More shall be revealed about these dates in my upcoming comedy routine (do you like how I slipped in a plug there?)

*I didn’t actually run away screaming, because that would have been overly dramatic, but I did consider chewing off my arm during more than one date that was initiated via this medium.

“So, why”, I hear my erudite readers ask, “are you back online and running the risk of repeat experiences?”

I’ll be completely honest with you, because we're all friends here now! I have many male friends, but the last time I was actually on an actual, real, live date IRL** and not simply “hanging out” with mates was March 2010. Before that, it was October 2009. Before that… well let’s not dip into the realm of ancient history, or I might just fake-cry for sympathy.

**In Real Life, as we interwebby-denizens like to call the 3D experience our forebears once mistook for ACTUAL reality… you know, back in the days before all communications happened via email, Facebook or Twitter.

I will admit right up front, interest is high, but I am already having massive reservations about the whole thing. I am thinking it may just be the online equivalent to hanging a sandwich board on myself and standing in the middle of Australia Square, yelling into a megaphone “do you want some of this boys? Anyone? Any takers at all?”

In short, it doesn’t feel very classy. And the steps taken to getting to meet someone who you only know from a profile page, seem rather contrived. Not to mention, rushed. Whatever happened to taking one’s time to get to know someone before rushing into the “so what’s your phone number” question?***

***Some of my 3D friends don’t even have my phone number. It’s not because I don’t trust them, it’s simply not my preferred communication method. So why would I allow someone I have never met the ability to send thousands of text messages or calls per day?

So. Here is a list of my pros and cons of internet dating. Maybe by the end of this list, I will have convinced myself to go back to my garden-variety dateless way of life.

Pros
Opportunity to meet more people
You can rate someone's compatibility via their like/dislike lists
You have the ability to quickly search and find potential matches
You can quickly move on if bored

Cons
You actually have to meet more people
There are no guarantees of honesty
Time is needed to reply/evaluate/meet/repeat
I get bored easily

Hmmmmmm this isn't looking promising, but I'll stick with it for the time being. The problem is, if I am being honest with myself, that I can manage "all or nothing" situations very well. I have become really great at living a "good" single life, and I know I can be great as one half of a long-term committed couple. What I am not so good at is getting FROM one state to the other. I suck at dating and being wooed, and I also suck at break ups. (Which is probably why I don't have many exes in my current circle of friends.)

So, is internet dating going to help me get from single life to a relationship? Will time tell? Will I be patient enough to give it that time? Or will I be announcing the end of my profile days within days or weeks again, as I have before.

To keep me on the straight and narrow, I have compiled a list of Do's and Dont's in my approach to this whole shemozzle:

- Do have fun with it
- Don't take it all too seriously
- Do say "yes" to initial contact more often than I would IRL, give the guys a chance!
- Don't bow to pressure to reveal more than I would IRL (e.g. phone number)
- Do maintain control, have someone with me when initially meeting a prospective date
- Don't make the first date anything to do with a meal, coffee is fine for first impressions
- Do reserve the right to use any and all material in my stand-up routine, if dates should turn out as weird and wacky as past experiences
- Don't look gift horses in the mouth, if someone sounds wonderful, maybe he is
- Do give the benefit of the doubt
- Don't use boredom as an excuse to switch off, perserverence leads to great things