Friday, April 1, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Open letter to Sydney
Dear Sydney,
This is a difficult letter to write. We have been together now for 37 and a half years, and I don't discount that kind of longevity and loyalty lightly. But things have been getting rather difficult for me to continue defending your honour, and you don't seem to be making any real effort to lift your game either.
It started off well enough, we met at Darlinghurst Hospital, now no longer there unfortunately due to the rampant gentrification in that area in the interim decades. That is just one sign of how much our relationship has changed. We spent my formative years together in some lovely, leafy suburbs and I always felt safe and secure in the comfort of your familiarity, watching your landscape change quite dramatically from the back window of my folks mustard yellow combi van as we would visit friends and relatives in far flung places such as Narrabeen, Palm Beach, Hunters Hill, Epping, Gosford, Kellyville, Rooty Hill, Windsor, Parramatta, and the Blue Mountains..... to name a few. Back then, the landscape would actually change from place to place, but now there seems to be a sameness about it all, with short-sighted development of MacMansion suburbs alongside highways cutting through and around you like a concrete petticoat.
Not that I am complaining you have upgraded what used to be one-lane dirt thoroughfares, because without them it would be even more difficult to get around than it already is. Did you know your people are choking? Did you know that the frustration from millions of your inhabitants as they sit in traffic snarls every single day is giving you a really bad rep, or did you already sneak out the back behind the bike sheds for a sneaky fag and to escape detection by the head teacher and weren't paying attention?
One way you have tried is by sprouting bike lanes in the very heart of your city. This would have been great, had it not removed so many trees, parking spaces and sanity from the locals.
Your inner city bars and clubs and live music venues used to be the apple of my eye, but one by one they have fallen prey to "development" and "urbanisation" and the live music venues pressured by falling revenues and cost pressure to close their doors and walk away. Your hip, indie music scene is suffering, Sydney, and we all suffer alongside it.
You used to be a city for the people, and now I wonder who those people are. We are being accused of increasing superficiality, and if it weren't for your spectacular harbour and amazing weather (most of the time, what was with that hot and humid summer, dude, that was Singaporean!) you wouldn't have much to recommend you to visitors when I try to convince them to drop in and share an experience of my town with me.
In short, Sydney, I have given up defending your liveability. I have become a laughing stock, and so have you.
Yours regretfully,
Natasha
This is a difficult letter to write. We have been together now for 37 and a half years, and I don't discount that kind of longevity and loyalty lightly. But things have been getting rather difficult for me to continue defending your honour, and you don't seem to be making any real effort to lift your game either.
It started off well enough, we met at Darlinghurst Hospital, now no longer there unfortunately due to the rampant gentrification in that area in the interim decades. That is just one sign of how much our relationship has changed. We spent my formative years together in some lovely, leafy suburbs and I always felt safe and secure in the comfort of your familiarity, watching your landscape change quite dramatically from the back window of my folks mustard yellow combi van as we would visit friends and relatives in far flung places such as Narrabeen, Palm Beach, Hunters Hill, Epping, Gosford, Kellyville, Rooty Hill, Windsor, Parramatta, and the Blue Mountains..... to name a few. Back then, the landscape would actually change from place to place, but now there seems to be a sameness about it all, with short-sighted development of MacMansion suburbs alongside highways cutting through and around you like a concrete petticoat.
Not that I am complaining you have upgraded what used to be one-lane dirt thoroughfares, because without them it would be even more difficult to get around than it already is. Did you know your people are choking? Did you know that the frustration from millions of your inhabitants as they sit in traffic snarls every single day is giving you a really bad rep, or did you already sneak out the back behind the bike sheds for a sneaky fag and to escape detection by the head teacher and weren't paying attention?
One way you have tried is by sprouting bike lanes in the very heart of your city. This would have been great, had it not removed so many trees, parking spaces and sanity from the locals.
Your inner city bars and clubs and live music venues used to be the apple of my eye, but one by one they have fallen prey to "development" and "urbanisation" and the live music venues pressured by falling revenues and cost pressure to close their doors and walk away. Your hip, indie music scene is suffering, Sydney, and we all suffer alongside it.
You used to be a city for the people, and now I wonder who those people are. We are being accused of increasing superficiality, and if it weren't for your spectacular harbour and amazing weather (most of the time, what was with that hot and humid summer, dude, that was Singaporean!) you wouldn't have much to recommend you to visitors when I try to convince them to drop in and share an experience of my town with me.
In short, Sydney, I have given up defending your liveability. I have become a laughing stock, and so have you.
Yours regretfully,
Natasha
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Close encounters of the turd kind....
Dear bloggy friends,
I have jumped back into the online dating world with the vague hope that somehow, somewhere, sometime, my prince will come... I've been a lot more relaxed about it this time, no fanfare, no announcements, just schlepped up a profile and crossed fingers.
This whole next exchange illustrates the reason I am 100% certain, despite the fact that people keep encouraging me to get back into "the game", that online dating will not lead me to my man..... names are removed to protect the not-so-innocent... but this is the reason I can't stand online dating and the world of indignity that exists out there, especially when you are someone who is just trying to meet someone real.
This is what I have to deal with.
I received 2 kisses from "Goodtimeguy", and received the following email, cut and pasted in its entirety, no spellchecking or editing:
Hi Natasha
I'd love to meet you as you seem cool,cute and normal!
hate emailing ,usually more happy to talk on the phone and ill answer any and all questions that way,same deal with sitting at pc doing chat all day..boooring!!!!
so regarding my life-
I am 1 Year out of the 4 year relationship from hell and really just looking for fun-intelligent,thought provoking conversation always gets a big thumbs up!
My likes are varied,my profile is the tip of the iceberg as far as interests go , im a real upbeat,happy,funny dude who believes in karma bigtime:)
I am straightforward,not at all shy and confident without being cocky.Love sex,and really looking for some fun with no expectations.If something happens
above and beyond that great,if not all cool also.
Anyway,want to hear way more about you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My details are [deleted]
xxx M
Here was my response to him (unexpurgated):
Hey M,
Well, to be completely up front and honest with you, I've done the online dating game for about 5 years now, dipped in and out of it as and when the mood has taken me. In that time, I have developed a very good sense of what people really want (in other words I'm great at reading between the lines ;)
So, here's the thing, From your reply it looks like you are looking for some "fun".... I have been 5 years single now, previously was in a 9 year relationship, half of that time married. in the past 5 years I've done the "just looking for fun" thing, and right now I'm really not looking for that anymore. I have spent a lot of time developing my interests, confidence and happiness, and I am completely fulfilled and happy right now as a single woman, but what I am looking for is someone I share a connection with, can take that to a deeper friendship, and then hopefully blossom into a relationship. I am not looking for sex.... I have found I can get that pretty easily if I want, but it really leaves me unfulfilled if it's not preceded by something "real"...... I speak from years of experience here "M"!
So, if you are at a different place, that's fine, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with looking for a good time while you are exploring your single life after a 4 years relationship from hell.... but I would hazard a guess we may not be in the same space mentally?
Happy to catch up for coffee if you want, but I have heaps of friends I can catch up for coffee with, and that's not what I am looking for ;)
Looking forward to hearing your thoughts!
Cheers, Natasha
Here is the email I received back from "M"
i started online dating in 01 so i have 10 years experience....
and yeah was in a rship for 4 yrs until 6 mths ago with someone i met at dancing and i only ever use the net for fun and mates , never really anything serious..
so up to you
x
My response:
Thanks but no thanks.
Good luck in your search :)
Cheers, Natasha
His final response:
628 women later as a sexaholic doubt i need luck but thanks :)
My final response:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!!!
I have jumped back into the online dating world with the vague hope that somehow, somewhere, sometime, my prince will come... I've been a lot more relaxed about it this time, no fanfare, no announcements, just schlepped up a profile and crossed fingers.
This whole next exchange illustrates the reason I am 100% certain, despite the fact that people keep encouraging me to get back into "the game", that online dating will not lead me to my man..... names are removed to protect the not-so-innocent... but this is the reason I can't stand online dating and the world of indignity that exists out there, especially when you are someone who is just trying to meet someone real.
This is what I have to deal with.
I received 2 kisses from "Goodtimeguy", and received the following email, cut and pasted in its entirety, no spellchecking or editing:
Hi Natasha
I'd love to meet you as you seem cool,cute and normal!
hate emailing ,usually more happy to talk on the phone and ill answer any and all questions that way,same deal with sitting at pc doing chat all day..boooring!!!!
so regarding my life-
I am 1 Year out of the 4 year relationship from hell and really just looking for fun-intelligent,thought provoking conversation always gets a big thumbs up!
My likes are varied,my profile is the tip of the iceberg as far as interests go , im a real upbeat,happy,funny dude who believes in karma bigtime:)
I am straightforward,not at all shy and confident without being cocky.Love sex,and really looking for some fun with no expectations.If something happens
above and beyond that great,if not all cool also.
Anyway,want to hear way more about you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My details are [deleted]
xxx M
Here was my response to him (unexpurgated):
Hey M,
Well, to be completely up front and honest with you, I've done the online dating game for about 5 years now, dipped in and out of it as and when the mood has taken me. In that time, I have developed a very good sense of what people really want (in other words I'm great at reading between the lines ;)
So, here's the thing, From your reply it looks like you are looking for some "fun".... I have been 5 years single now, previously was in a 9 year relationship, half of that time married. in the past 5 years I've done the "just looking for fun" thing, and right now I'm really not looking for that anymore. I have spent a lot of time developing my interests, confidence and happiness, and I am completely fulfilled and happy right now as a single woman, but what I am looking for is someone I share a connection with, can take that to a deeper friendship, and then hopefully blossom into a relationship. I am not looking for sex.... I have found I can get that pretty easily if I want, but it really leaves me unfulfilled if it's not preceded by something "real"...... I speak from years of experience here "M"!
So, if you are at a different place, that's fine, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with looking for a good time while you are exploring your single life after a 4 years relationship from hell.... but I would hazard a guess we may not be in the same space mentally?
Happy to catch up for coffee if you want, but I have heaps of friends I can catch up for coffee with, and that's not what I am looking for ;)
Looking forward to hearing your thoughts!
Cheers, Natasha
Here is the email I received back from "M"
i started online dating in 01 so i have 10 years experience....
and yeah was in a rship for 4 yrs until 6 mths ago with someone i met at dancing and i only ever use the net for fun and mates , never really anything serious..
so up to you
x
My response:
Thanks but no thanks.
Good luck in your search :)
Cheers, Natasha
His final response:
628 women later as a sexaholic doubt i need luck but thanks :)
My final response:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!!!
Friday, March 11, 2011
Is this thing still on?
I assure you, my total and utter lack of bloggy updates is not because I have forgotten I have a blog. I just have had surprisingly little to say of late.
I am waiting on a lot of "other" shoes to drop. And it's starting to wear me down.
I have been trying this new fitness approach out, and while I have been eating better than I ever have before, and REALLY enjoying my meals, I still have not pulled my finger out on the moving my body bits.... and that's making me feel all blubbery and sad.
One day, my bloggy friends, one day I shall be a lean, mean, fighting machine. But that day has not come yet.
Farewell, until I have something more interesting to say!
I am waiting on a lot of "other" shoes to drop. And it's starting to wear me down.
I have been trying this new fitness approach out, and while I have been eating better than I ever have before, and REALLY enjoying my meals, I still have not pulled my finger out on the moving my body bits.... and that's making me feel all blubbery and sad.
One day, my bloggy friends, one day I shall be a lean, mean, fighting machine. But that day has not come yet.
Farewell, until I have something more interesting to say!
Sunday, February 20, 2011
What a girl wants
I have recently had cause to counsel someone about feeling one way and yet acting in a way opposite to those feelings. I called it "not living authentically".
I want to explore that concept for me. I am about to encounter a few changes in my life, some have already been underway for some time. Others are just beginning. I have been doing life coaching for almost 3 months now, and it has been an inspiration to see how laying values out explicitly and seeing where the gaps are, can be completely transformational.
Even when I am not looking for transformation, it's come looking for me.
What do I actually want out of life, then? I am going to just list things as they occur to me, relying on my right brain "instinctual" side to answer this:
I want to explore that concept for me. I am about to encounter a few changes in my life, some have already been underway for some time. Others are just beginning. I have been doing life coaching for almost 3 months now, and it has been an inspiration to see how laying values out explicitly and seeing where the gaps are, can be completely transformational.
Even when I am not looking for transformation, it's come looking for me.
What do I actually want out of life, then? I am going to just list things as they occur to me, relying on my right brain "instinctual" side to answer this:
- love
- family
- health
- movement
- travel
- adventure
- authenticity
- emotional stability
- mental stability
- compassion
- understanding
- seeking
- questioning
- excellence
- truth
- beauty
- warmth
- confidence
- humour
- sponteneity
- courage
- conviction
- erudition
- spirituality
- peace
- love
Friday, February 11, 2011
Time, time, time... see what becomes of me
I haven't blogged for a while. My issue, as always, is time.
I'd like to be honest here. I have never had a lot of time to spare. All my life I have been told "Natasha would do much better if she didn't rush."
I've always been in a hurry, always felt time poor, always crammed everything in to maximise what I can do in the time I have available. I am extremely social, with friends who (thankfully) are more often asking me to catch up than not. I have many many interests outside of work, such as my improvising comedy passion, my hobby business (kinesiology), music, theatre, shows amongst other "stuff" in general.
My family is currently undergoing a very stressful time. They are a huge priority for me at the moment, including getting around to seeing extended family members I don't get to see very often.
On top of all that, this gal needs to pay the bills, and she does so with a fairly demanding and brain-intensive job.
Not to mention, my health is a further priority right now, and I am about to start a 12 week body transformation challenge and training schedule in preparation for another triathlon, so early morning training sessions and dietary regimes means that I won't have the energy, time or stamina (as well as inclination) to do the sociable thing of late nights, alcohol-based catch ups and external dining experiences like I used to do...
All of this adds up to one thing. Time is a HUGE premium in my life.
Lately, I have felt like I am letting my friends down. I need to be quite clear that I do understand some feel "neglected". But I want to reassure everyone that I love you all (and am neglecting you all equally, if that's any consolation...)
I can't make any promises about things getting easier. Because I have done that before and felt like I have let people down even more when I couldn't keep that promise.
I need to put this out there loudly and strongly.
I am my own Number One priority right now.
It's not that I don't want to catch up with friends or make time for everyone, or that I am not concerned about people feeling left out of my life at the moment. It's just the way things need to be.
Please be aware that it's too easy for me to feel guilty for putting myself first, and it's something I am going to be more guarded against for the time being.
I love youse all.
xxx
I'd like to be honest here. I have never had a lot of time to spare. All my life I have been told "Natasha would do much better if she didn't rush."
I've always been in a hurry, always felt time poor, always crammed everything in to maximise what I can do in the time I have available. I am extremely social, with friends who (thankfully) are more often asking me to catch up than not. I have many many interests outside of work, such as my improvising comedy passion, my hobby business (kinesiology), music, theatre, shows amongst other "stuff" in general.
My family is currently undergoing a very stressful time. They are a huge priority for me at the moment, including getting around to seeing extended family members I don't get to see very often.
On top of all that, this gal needs to pay the bills, and she does so with a fairly demanding and brain-intensive job.
Not to mention, my health is a further priority right now, and I am about to start a 12 week body transformation challenge and training schedule in preparation for another triathlon, so early morning training sessions and dietary regimes means that I won't have the energy, time or stamina (as well as inclination) to do the sociable thing of late nights, alcohol-based catch ups and external dining experiences like I used to do...
All of this adds up to one thing. Time is a HUGE premium in my life.
Lately, I have felt like I am letting my friends down. I need to be quite clear that I do understand some feel "neglected". But I want to reassure everyone that I love you all (and am neglecting you all equally, if that's any consolation...)
I can't make any promises about things getting easier. Because I have done that before and felt like I have let people down even more when I couldn't keep that promise.
I need to put this out there loudly and strongly.
I am my own Number One priority right now.
It's not that I don't want to catch up with friends or make time for everyone, or that I am not concerned about people feeling left out of my life at the moment. It's just the way things need to be.
Please be aware that it's too easy for me to feel guilty for putting myself first, and it's something I am going to be more guarded against for the time being.
I love youse all.
xxx
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Total "aha" moment!
OMG OMG OMG! I gotta share this "revelation".
You know how I bang on about all my past relationships being less than fulfilling and over all too quickly (hmmmmm *scratches head and thinks a bit about what she just admitted*)?
Well.... here are a few bolts of lightning from my authentic self who has been trying to be heard above the debris and noise that is my "ego". This is the message she [I] relayed to me this morning:
The universe has been protecting you, my dear. Those men were never worthy of you, consider them as your training wheels to give you some practice and to also show you that there are men who are attracted to you, even if for just a moment in time. The universe has been saving your man for you, and boy is he a winner! He has been looking for you as well, he has been learning his own life lessons, and when you are both ready to meet, you will meet and fall in love. You needed to fall in love with yourself first, to really appreciate how wonderful you really are before you were ready to meet him. Cos, guess what, he will love and accept you for exactly who you are. Take heart, because you are on your path, and when you are on your true path, things happen exactly as they ought. Be brave and admit what you really want out of life, and the universe will conspire to make it happen for you.
This message has been bubbling up within me ever since I blogged about my inner dialogue regarding relationships. It burst forth into my consciousness today, a mere 2 days after I created my vision board, which has some pretty impressive goals on it which I never dared breathe to others, let alone admit to myself that I wanted.
It's out there now. I am leaving it up to the universe to show me what it's got. And I'm excited!
You know how I bang on about all my past relationships being less than fulfilling and over all too quickly (hmmmmm *scratches head and thinks a bit about what she just admitted*)?
Well.... here are a few bolts of lightning from my authentic self who has been trying to be heard above the debris and noise that is my "ego". This is the message she [I] relayed to me this morning:
The universe has been protecting you, my dear. Those men were never worthy of you, consider them as your training wheels to give you some practice and to also show you that there are men who are attracted to you, even if for just a moment in time. The universe has been saving your man for you, and boy is he a winner! He has been looking for you as well, he has been learning his own life lessons, and when you are both ready to meet, you will meet and fall in love. You needed to fall in love with yourself first, to really appreciate how wonderful you really are before you were ready to meet him. Cos, guess what, he will love and accept you for exactly who you are. Take heart, because you are on your path, and when you are on your true path, things happen exactly as they ought. Be brave and admit what you really want out of life, and the universe will conspire to make it happen for you.
This message has been bubbling up within me ever since I blogged about my inner dialogue regarding relationships. It burst forth into my consciousness today, a mere 2 days after I created my vision board, which has some pretty impressive goals on it which I never dared breathe to others, let alone admit to myself that I wanted.
It's out there now. I am leaving it up to the universe to show me what it's got. And I'm excited!
Friday, January 28, 2011
Why...
I have been thinking about why I got so hackled up at Unshackled and attitudes that are similar to his... it was a hard thing to really look at my reaction. Because ALWAYS when you react badly to someone or something it's because there is an aspect of yourself being reflected to you which you are not comfortable with.
So, I looked.
And I looked.
And I finally came to the conclusion that my unhappiness with these attitudes stems from a very deep feeling of being "robbed" of my youth and my options for love and happiness by life circumstances and my own poor choices.
While the Sydney women that were tormenting the likes of Mr Unshackled were happily playing the dating field (and creating bitterness in men such as these), I was spending my 20s and early 30s in possibly one of the most difficult relationships I've ever heard of.
I met my husband when I was 23 and freshly out of uni. I had dated a few men (not millions, but enough to know the difference between lust and love), nothing ever serious, and the relationships never lasted more than 3 months. When I met him I "just knew"... the way "they" always say you know. And I responded with my heart and stayed by him through thick and through thin.
We were together 9 years almost to the day. Married for half that time. The issues we faced were his undiagnosed Bipolar disorder and psychotic episodes during which time he would leave his gentle, loving Dr Jeckyll nature and turn into Mr Hyde. That wasn't the only issue we (I) had to cope with. His gambling addiction, occasional drug use, employment instability, and deep paranoia (and hence emotional neediness for me and use of emotional blackmail to keep me tied to him) were things that only got worse after I consented to be his wife.
Don't get me wrong. I loved him extremely deeply, enough to overlook these issues for almost a decade. I guess that's why I did everything in my power to help him become the man he so desperately wanted to be, the man he thought I deserved to have. One of the saddest things I heard him say close to the end was "I don't know which personality to pick that will please you the most."
Things got so bad that I started getting panic attacks. And depression. And in my desperation I asked for a separation to give myself breathing room to re-group and to also persuade him to seek professional help for his demons that I couldn't deal with on my own.
He took his life the following week.
I lost the next 3 years to grief so black and complete that I couldn't see my way out. I made extremely poor relationship choices during this time, only complicating my core pain and robbing me of any shred self worth I had left. My only recollection from that time was that it always seems like night. I didn't sleep much, you see.
So, the last 2 years have been the ones where I have felt like my personality of old coming back, along with my ability to choose better romantic partners, as well as a whole heap of life lessons to assist me in choosing someone who can support me as much as I would love to support him.
And when I come across comments that put me in a bucket of women who spent their 20s and early 30s playing games in the dating pool, it really gets my goat.
I feel so robbed of the options I could have had in my 20s for meeting a decent, great guy that I can fall in love with, and who will fall right back atcha with me. All the "good ones" appear to be taken (or gay). And the rest are telling me I'm superficial.
Isn't life crazy sometimes!
So, I looked.
And I looked.
And I finally came to the conclusion that my unhappiness with these attitudes stems from a very deep feeling of being "robbed" of my youth and my options for love and happiness by life circumstances and my own poor choices.
While the Sydney women that were tormenting the likes of Mr Unshackled were happily playing the dating field (and creating bitterness in men such as these), I was spending my 20s and early 30s in possibly one of the most difficult relationships I've ever heard of.
I met my husband when I was 23 and freshly out of uni. I had dated a few men (not millions, but enough to know the difference between lust and love), nothing ever serious, and the relationships never lasted more than 3 months. When I met him I "just knew"... the way "they" always say you know. And I responded with my heart and stayed by him through thick and through thin.
We were together 9 years almost to the day. Married for half that time. The issues we faced were his undiagnosed Bipolar disorder and psychotic episodes during which time he would leave his gentle, loving Dr Jeckyll nature and turn into Mr Hyde. That wasn't the only issue we (I) had to cope with. His gambling addiction, occasional drug use, employment instability, and deep paranoia (and hence emotional neediness for me and use of emotional blackmail to keep me tied to him) were things that only got worse after I consented to be his wife.
Don't get me wrong. I loved him extremely deeply, enough to overlook these issues for almost a decade. I guess that's why I did everything in my power to help him become the man he so desperately wanted to be, the man he thought I deserved to have. One of the saddest things I heard him say close to the end was "I don't know which personality to pick that will please you the most."
Things got so bad that I started getting panic attacks. And depression. And in my desperation I asked for a separation to give myself breathing room to re-group and to also persuade him to seek professional help for his demons that I couldn't deal with on my own.
He took his life the following week.
I lost the next 3 years to grief so black and complete that I couldn't see my way out. I made extremely poor relationship choices during this time, only complicating my core pain and robbing me of any shred self worth I had left. My only recollection from that time was that it always seems like night. I didn't sleep much, you see.
So, the last 2 years have been the ones where I have felt like my personality of old coming back, along with my ability to choose better romantic partners, as well as a whole heap of life lessons to assist me in choosing someone who can support me as much as I would love to support him.
And when I come across comments that put me in a bucket of women who spent their 20s and early 30s playing games in the dating pool, it really gets my goat.
I feel so robbed of the options I could have had in my 20s for meeting a decent, great guy that I can fall in love with, and who will fall right back atcha with me. All the "good ones" appear to be taken (or gay). And the rest are telling me I'm superficial.
Isn't life crazy sometimes!
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
CrankyPants Reaction Rant
I read another silly relationship blog again today. But it's not the blog that gets me crankypants. It's comments like these, posted by "Unshackled" who seems to paint ALL Sydney women with the same "superficial" brush. Believe me, this is the stereotype of Sydney women that I am fast becoming sick of reading. I will deal with this rant line by line, because it's gotten my hackles up [no, I don't know what hackles are either, but mine are DEFINITELY up.]
I can't speak for the other males in Sydney, but it seems like the men who want to commit, be monogamous, want to settle down and create a life with a woman are freakin' assed out.
...
[I love how he is not speaking for other males in Sydney, yet is about to describe all single females in Sydney. You think this guy has met us all? Probably not.]
...
I mean, it's all superficial with most of the single female population here in Sydney.
...
[Yes, Sydney is largely painted as completely superficial. From our glittering harbour to our Mountains of Blue. We get it. However, like every other place on the planet, there is the good and there is the bad. You gotta search out the good, and shake it out from the bad. I've lived in Sydney all my life and have only ever added decent, like-minded, values-driven people to my social circle. It's quite large by now. I figure through this large circle of like-minded people I will eventually find my "Prince". It's a good idea to try doing something similar.]
...
Can I vent further? Well, I am anyway.
...
[Sigh.]
...
If a guy doesn't have washboard abs, a big bank account and the material things, he never "gets the girl".
...
[I suspect this means he does not have washboard abs, a big bank account and material things, and is bitter about it. It's called "projection", and it's where we believe that what we find deficient in others MUST be what they find lacking in us. In other words, I would place a large bet that this guy is looking for the same thing in women that is considered "high status" from a man's point of view (slim, long blonde hair, good looking) and is getting frustrated that they are not giving him a chance. He then projects what he is doing onto ALL women and complaining about it. The fact is, most of my married friends (who happen to live in Sydney) say that what attracted them to their partner was their personality. Yep, that's right. Personalities are the most important thing.]
...
Whatever happened to old-fashioned values where a man works hard, treats a woman like a lady and showers her with love and romance gone? Via way of the 8-track and ColecoVision I think.
...
[Those men are a rare breed. I agree with him there, where have those values gone? It's not because women suddenly didn't want them, they seem to be dying out as a supply factor in the economic equation that is Sydney Single Scene.]
...
And then females hang onto that whole "Sex and the City" attitude. That show was THE WORST thing to happen to the single male in the civilized world.
...
[Right, he just lost whatever credibility he had to start with. Get past the fluff of that show, which was actually "entertainment" not a "documentary" and you will find some genuine questioning about what makes a "real" man and how to find "real" love. One by one, each character finds love with the men who they were not expecting to be their "Ones". A nice message to single women, I thought. The rest was funny and vicarious and mostly about the shoes.]
...
I applaud women for having standards in what they want in life.
...
[Doesn't really sound like it. SAYING you applaud women and actually living it are two different things.]
...
That's how it should be: don't settle for 2nd best, however, you set the bar WAAAAYYYY too high and the average, great guy who will treat you right doesn't have a chance.
...
[I'm confused. We shouldn't settle for second best, but our best is too high for men like him to jump through? What does that say? Thought about self improvements? And by this, I mean work on the attitude, cos ANY guy that treats us right and is a great guy gets a chance with most real women. Just a pity that I haven't personally come across a great deal that I can vouch for. And sometimes there is just not enough compatibility to continue. Yes, shock horror! Just because you are a great guy and single, doesn't mean that you and the girl you are chasing will have sufficient compatibility to make a long term relationship work!]
...
If I have to be an asshole/dickhead/bad boy/bastard to "get the girl", I think I'll stick to celibacy.
...
[WHOA! Now men who end up committing to women are ALL assholes/dickheads and bad boys? Sorry, I do not see women staying with these men. Again, the married/committed women I know (including me at one stage) went for great guys who treat us right. Sometimes it takes a while to find them. I'm not out there whinging about "all single Sydney men are bastards." Cos they're not. It just takes a while to sift through the chaff to get to the wheat.]
...
Can I get an AMEN? Hello and AMEN, walls.
...
[No, you can't.]
...
Thank you for your time. End of rant.
Note - this guy followed up with yet another whingey post. If he couldn't be trusted to keep his word that his rant ended in the previous comment, I'd wager that's why he (and similar men) is (are) still single and bitter.
The end.
I can't speak for the other males in Sydney, but it seems like the men who want to commit, be monogamous, want to settle down and create a life with a woman are freakin' assed out.
...
[I love how he is not speaking for other males in Sydney, yet is about to describe all single females in Sydney. You think this guy has met us all? Probably not.]
...
I mean, it's all superficial with most of the single female population here in Sydney.
...
[Yes, Sydney is largely painted as completely superficial. From our glittering harbour to our Mountains of Blue. We get it. However, like every other place on the planet, there is the good and there is the bad. You gotta search out the good, and shake it out from the bad. I've lived in Sydney all my life and have only ever added decent, like-minded, values-driven people to my social circle. It's quite large by now. I figure through this large circle of like-minded people I will eventually find my "Prince". It's a good idea to try doing something similar.]
...
Can I vent further? Well, I am anyway.
...
[Sigh.]
...
If a guy doesn't have washboard abs, a big bank account and the material things, he never "gets the girl".
...
[I suspect this means he does not have washboard abs, a big bank account and material things, and is bitter about it. It's called "projection", and it's where we believe that what we find deficient in others MUST be what they find lacking in us. In other words, I would place a large bet that this guy is looking for the same thing in women that is considered "high status" from a man's point of view (slim, long blonde hair, good looking) and is getting frustrated that they are not giving him a chance. He then projects what he is doing onto ALL women and complaining about it. The fact is, most of my married friends (who happen to live in Sydney) say that what attracted them to their partner was their personality. Yep, that's right. Personalities are the most important thing.]
...
Whatever happened to old-fashioned values where a man works hard, treats a woman like a lady and showers her with love and romance gone? Via way of the 8-track and ColecoVision I think.
...
[Those men are a rare breed. I agree with him there, where have those values gone? It's not because women suddenly didn't want them, they seem to be dying out as a supply factor in the economic equation that is Sydney Single Scene.]
...
And then females hang onto that whole "Sex and the City" attitude. That show was THE WORST thing to happen to the single male in the civilized world.
...
[Right, he just lost whatever credibility he had to start with. Get past the fluff of that show, which was actually "entertainment" not a "documentary" and you will find some genuine questioning about what makes a "real" man and how to find "real" love. One by one, each character finds love with the men who they were not expecting to be their "Ones". A nice message to single women, I thought. The rest was funny and vicarious and mostly about the shoes.]
...
I applaud women for having standards in what they want in life.
...
[Doesn't really sound like it. SAYING you applaud women and actually living it are two different things.]
...
That's how it should be: don't settle for 2nd best, however, you set the bar WAAAAYYYY too high and the average, great guy who will treat you right doesn't have a chance.
...
[I'm confused. We shouldn't settle for second best, but our best is too high for men like him to jump through? What does that say? Thought about self improvements? And by this, I mean work on the attitude, cos ANY guy that treats us right and is a great guy gets a chance with most real women. Just a pity that I haven't personally come across a great deal that I can vouch for. And sometimes there is just not enough compatibility to continue. Yes, shock horror! Just because you are a great guy and single, doesn't mean that you and the girl you are chasing will have sufficient compatibility to make a long term relationship work!]
...
If I have to be an asshole/dickhead/bad boy/bastard to "get the girl", I think I'll stick to celibacy.
...
[WHOA! Now men who end up committing to women are ALL assholes/dickheads and bad boys? Sorry, I do not see women staying with these men. Again, the married/committed women I know (including me at one stage) went for great guys who treat us right. Sometimes it takes a while to find them. I'm not out there whinging about "all single Sydney men are bastards." Cos they're not. It just takes a while to sift through the chaff to get to the wheat.]
...
Can I get an AMEN? Hello and AMEN, walls.
...
[No, you can't.]
...
Thank you for your time. End of rant.
Note - this guy followed up with yet another whingey post. If he couldn't be trusted to keep his word that his rant ended in the previous comment, I'd wager that's why he (and similar men) is (are) still single and bitter.
The end.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
What's the difference between a gay male friend and a male friend who isn't interested in you?
Watching Will and Grace...
What is the difference between having a gay male friend and a male (straight) friend who you are interested in, but isn't interested in you?
Why is it that I can have a friendship with one, but not the other?
Is it because there is no chance in hell of ending up in bed with the former? And that even though there is no real chance of a relationship with the latter, that there is always the real chance they will want to end up in bed with me at some point?
And the fact that this has happened and been the cause of real heartbreak in the past?
But, that aside. What is the real difference?
I'd like to know. Because in fact, there is no real future with either species, but I have had "fun" with both types... there has been heartbreak with both types (if you watch Will and Grace, you will understand what this equates to with the gay best friend... it's not that you harbour hopes of a real romantic relationship, just that often a gal's friendship with her gay best friend can sometimes be SO much more fulfilling and fun and wonderful and diverting than any liaison with a straight male....)
Sigh.
I sometimes cannot work out life. Or the universe. Or anything,
It's enough to drive a girl to atheism!
What is the difference between having a gay male friend and a male (straight) friend who you are interested in, but isn't interested in you?
Why is it that I can have a friendship with one, but not the other?
Is it because there is no chance in hell of ending up in bed with the former? And that even though there is no real chance of a relationship with the latter, that there is always the real chance they will want to end up in bed with me at some point?
And the fact that this has happened and been the cause of real heartbreak in the past?
But, that aside. What is the real difference?
I'd like to know. Because in fact, there is no real future with either species, but I have had "fun" with both types... there has been heartbreak with both types (if you watch Will and Grace, you will understand what this equates to with the gay best friend... it's not that you harbour hopes of a real romantic relationship, just that often a gal's friendship with her gay best friend can sometimes be SO much more fulfilling and fun and wonderful and diverting than any liaison with a straight male....)
Sigh.
I sometimes cannot work out life. Or the universe. Or anything,
It's enough to drive a girl to atheism!
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