Okay, confession time. I'm not having a great time. In fact, I'm feeling very very down and have been since the end of November. I'm coming to grips with a loss that is hard to come to grips with, and I have the feeling it will be this way for a very long time.
But I should know by now that nothing lasts forever, even feeling bad.
So I am trying, in my own way, to cope with these feelings. I get my Pollyanna on. I get positive, I become my own cheerleader. I try to look for the positive, I try to look for the love where I haven't noticed it before, because it feels like I've lost it. It's always this way, when this happens.
I am hoping that at some stage the "fake it till you make it" will work and I will start feeling genuinely joyful again.
I've been here so many times before it's almost a well-worn rug now. I know every threadbare trail where I have plodded up and down, up and down, processing and thinking.
My problem is that I have genuinely tried everything before, to get myself back to "what makes me happy". I joined a Gospel Choir, I have done improv comedy, stand up comedy, I tried music, going to live gigs, I hang out with family and friends, I've tried solitude and meditation, I've tried kinesiology to unwrap emotions, I have done psychic spiritual development, I've written blogs, read other peoples' blogs, I've thrown myself into various jobs, I've seen a life coach.... now I'm training like a mofo and throwing myself into the healthy living option (choose life!).
I honestly can't see what will get me through this dark patch. I'm restless, wondering, and the only cure for what ails me is the problem itself. A bit like a nicotine addiction.
I thought I would feel a lot better than I do by now.
What the *bleep* is wrong with me?
But I should know by now that nothing lasts forever, even feeling bad.
So I am trying, in my own way, to cope with these feelings. I get my Pollyanna on. I get positive, I become my own cheerleader. I try to look for the positive, I try to look for the love where I haven't noticed it before, because it feels like I've lost it. It's always this way, when this happens.
I am hoping that at some stage the "fake it till you make it" will work and I will start feeling genuinely joyful again.
I've been here so many times before it's almost a well-worn rug now. I know every threadbare trail where I have plodded up and down, up and down, processing and thinking.
My problem is that I have genuinely tried everything before, to get myself back to "what makes me happy". I joined a Gospel Choir, I have done improv comedy, stand up comedy, I tried music, going to live gigs, I hang out with family and friends, I've tried solitude and meditation, I've tried kinesiology to unwrap emotions, I have done psychic spiritual development, I've written blogs, read other peoples' blogs, I've thrown myself into various jobs, I've seen a life coach.... now I'm training like a mofo and throwing myself into the healthy living option (choose life!).
I honestly can't see what will get me through this dark patch. I'm restless, wondering, and the only cure for what ails me is the problem itself. A bit like a nicotine addiction.
I thought I would feel a lot better than I do by now.
What the *bleep* is wrong with me?
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