My time is precious.
How am I spending it?
Am I spending it with people I love? Am I spending it doing things that I love? Am I wasting it? Do I deserve the time I have been given? Could I be passing my time more wisely?
These are questions that wake me up in the early hours of the morning.
I feel like I'm drifting at the moment, but isn't that just as valid a use of my time? In just... being?
I sometimes think I put far too much on my plate to distract myself from things that are important, thoughts that are important, and questions that I am running away from. I've tried to face the most important unresolved issues for me during 2011, and ended up sorting much of it out, but still ending up in exactly the same place as I started. I'm still trying to reconcile the outcome with the experience. And if that's not enough to drive one to solitude and introspection, I don't know what is.
I just don't have the mental energy right now to change anything in my life, or to take up anything new that looks like "the answer for now". I'm holding on tight to stability, and maybe that is the best use of my time right now. Why do I always feel like I have to be super productive, moving forward at a rate of knots, and achieving outcomes like that's all my worth is as a person?
How am I spending it?
Am I spending it with people I love? Am I spending it doing things that I love? Am I wasting it? Do I deserve the time I have been given? Could I be passing my time more wisely?
These are questions that wake me up in the early hours of the morning.
I feel like I'm drifting at the moment, but isn't that just as valid a use of my time? In just... being?
I sometimes think I put far too much on my plate to distract myself from things that are important, thoughts that are important, and questions that I am running away from. I've tried to face the most important unresolved issues for me during 2011, and ended up sorting much of it out, but still ending up in exactly the same place as I started. I'm still trying to reconcile the outcome with the experience. And if that's not enough to drive one to solitude and introspection, I don't know what is.
I just don't have the mental energy right now to change anything in my life, or to take up anything new that looks like "the answer for now". I'm holding on tight to stability, and maybe that is the best use of my time right now. Why do I always feel like I have to be super productive, moving forward at a rate of knots, and achieving outcomes like that's all my worth is as a person?
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