Something's been playing on my mind lately. It's the old authenticity question again. Am I holding myself accountable for my own authenticity?
Am I expressing my authentic self, and not just projecting what I think others want to believe me to be.
Yes, that one's a brain twister, but it's the trap we consistently keep falling back into, and must remember to give ourselves a reality check.
So today's reality check is this. Can I be truly authentic to myself and my feelings, when I allow those people who are in my thoughts and in my life to get away with being inauthentic? I think the answer is no. And it's something I have been struggling with, in terms of a recent exiting party in my life. When I start trying to reconcile what he was saying he wanted with the actual outcome, the life he is currently living, my thoughts go around the twist, which then means I have to heave a very large sigh and let it go. Because I can't tolerate it anymore. It takes its toll on MY authenticity to keep believing his words, as opposed to watching his actions.
I have very recently stumbled across an amazing website that's helped me get further out of the funk of "what the hell just happened..." called Baggage Reclaim, and it's about people (mostly women on that site) who have low self-esteem within relationships, who hold few boundaries over their interpersonal (and sometimes work) relationships, and expecting little to nothing from people when clearly they should be expecting a basic level of honesty and communication, as well as follow through.
I can see a lot of myself on this website. A lot of mistakes and a lot of issues with holding myself accountable to being authentically true to myself. I can see how not holding those boundaries for others to adhere to has affected my own self-esteem. Who could respect me, when I don't even respect myself?
I have been slowly turning this insight further inwards, and re-evaluating every single relationship I've ever had where the common denominator has been my inability to set boundaries, hold people accountable for their actions, and walking away when those boundaies were crossed (or expectations not met).
Seems pretty simple, huh? It's not for someone who has obviously had such a low opinion of herself that she allows herself to be swayed by feelings for someone, not the truth of what their actions are telling her about them.
Now, I am not saying that feelings are not important. But when relationships are not based on solid foundations, like shared values, then there comes a point where you have to get off the fantasy train and give yourself a reality check of what's going on.
Am I expressing my authentic self, and not just projecting what I think others want to believe me to be.
Yes, that one's a brain twister, but it's the trap we consistently keep falling back into, and must remember to give ourselves a reality check.
So today's reality check is this. Can I be truly authentic to myself and my feelings, when I allow those people who are in my thoughts and in my life to get away with being inauthentic? I think the answer is no. And it's something I have been struggling with, in terms of a recent exiting party in my life. When I start trying to reconcile what he was saying he wanted with the actual outcome, the life he is currently living, my thoughts go around the twist, which then means I have to heave a very large sigh and let it go. Because I can't tolerate it anymore. It takes its toll on MY authenticity to keep believing his words, as opposed to watching his actions.
I have very recently stumbled across an amazing website that's helped me get further out of the funk of "what the hell just happened..." called Baggage Reclaim, and it's about people (mostly women on that site) who have low self-esteem within relationships, who hold few boundaries over their interpersonal (and sometimes work) relationships, and expecting little to nothing from people when clearly they should be expecting a basic level of honesty and communication, as well as follow through.
I can see a lot of myself on this website. A lot of mistakes and a lot of issues with holding myself accountable to being authentically true to myself. I can see how not holding those boundaries for others to adhere to has affected my own self-esteem. Who could respect me, when I don't even respect myself?
I have been slowly turning this insight further inwards, and re-evaluating every single relationship I've ever had where the common denominator has been my inability to set boundaries, hold people accountable for their actions, and walking away when those boundaies were crossed (or expectations not met).
Seems pretty simple, huh? It's not for someone who has obviously had such a low opinion of herself that she allows herself to be swayed by feelings for someone, not the truth of what their actions are telling her about them.
Now, I am not saying that feelings are not important. But when relationships are not based on solid foundations, like shared values, then there comes a point where you have to get off the fantasy train and give yourself a reality check of what's going on.
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