It's Valentine's Day. And yet this year I'm not sad about it. This is a new thing.
Single.
It's been my state of being for the past 6 and a half years. Although I've dipped in and out of dating and a few very short term relationships within that time, I would not classify myself to be anything other than single for the entire time.
Single.
I never imagined it would take this long for me to find love again.
Single.
If I had been told at the beginning of my rollercoaster journey that I would still be on my own by 2012 I would have either gone batshit crazy or ended it right then and there.
Single.
I've held a space open in my heart for someone who either didn't value it or didn't understand it was there.
Single.
It doesn't seem to grate on me today like it often has.
I've read a few comments and quotes that resonate with me.
"The greatest gift you can give to another is your happiness" - Esther Abraham-Hicks
"Across the broad continent of a woman's life falls a shadow of a sword. On one side of that sword, she said, there lies convention and tradition and order, where "all is correct." But on the other side of that sword, if you're crazy enough to cross it and choose a life that does not follow convention, "All is confusing. Nothing follows a regular course." Her argument was that the crossing of the shadow of that sword may bring a far more interesting existence to a woman, but you can bet it will also be more perilous." - Elizabeth Gilbert's book Eat, Pray, Love
I think I am finally resigned to my singledom, or at least grown so comfortable with it that it no longer bothers me. I don't think I'm living the life I was meant to live though, and that's confusing. I have done a lot of searching and a lot of activity to find out what I like, what drives me, what makes me passionate FOR MYSELF.
And I still couldn't tell you the answer to that even if you poked me repeatedly with a stick.
One thing is certain, I'm not looking anymore. And I know this is true because every other Valentine's Day I've had a knee jerk reaction to just "going out and finding anybody" to spend time with.
Unhealthy patterns of behaviour Vs me: 0-1.
Single.
It's been my state of being for the past 6 and a half years. Although I've dipped in and out of dating and a few very short term relationships within that time, I would not classify myself to be anything other than single for the entire time.
Single.
I never imagined it would take this long for me to find love again.
Single.
If I had been told at the beginning of my rollercoaster journey that I would still be on my own by 2012 I would have either gone batshit crazy or ended it right then and there.
Single.
I've held a space open in my heart for someone who either didn't value it or didn't understand it was there.
Single.
It doesn't seem to grate on me today like it often has.
I've read a few comments and quotes that resonate with me.
"The greatest gift you can give to another is your happiness" - Esther Abraham-Hicks
"Across the broad continent of a woman's life falls a shadow of a sword. On one side of that sword, she said, there lies convention and tradition and order, where "all is correct." But on the other side of that sword, if you're crazy enough to cross it and choose a life that does not follow convention, "All is confusing. Nothing follows a regular course." Her argument was that the crossing of the shadow of that sword may bring a far more interesting existence to a woman, but you can bet it will also be more perilous." - Elizabeth Gilbert's book Eat, Pray, Love
I think I am finally resigned to my singledom, or at least grown so comfortable with it that it no longer bothers me. I don't think I'm living the life I was meant to live though, and that's confusing. I have done a lot of searching and a lot of activity to find out what I like, what drives me, what makes me passionate FOR MYSELF.
And I still couldn't tell you the answer to that even if you poked me repeatedly with a stick.
One thing is certain, I'm not looking anymore. And I know this is true because every other Valentine's Day I've had a knee jerk reaction to just "going out and finding anybody" to spend time with.
Unhealthy patterns of behaviour Vs me: 0-1.
No comments:
Post a Comment