What is the difference between feeling depressed, or just feeling generally shitty with life?
I definitely don't think I'm depressed anymore, I've had way too many signs lately that I'm actually enjoying stuff I used to enjoy, I'm writing again, I have a goal, which is giving it meaning. Each day is not simply going through the motions, but actually planning a little more, forward thinking and connecting with people at home, at work, in general.
But I still don't feel joyful or happy. I just feel.... shitty with life.
I am okay with this feeling, in the spirit of just feeling my feelings...... so.... what? ... I'm feeling a little jacked off with my life and circumstances... doesn't mean anything, yeah?
I was at a marketing and networking event this afternoon, and I met quite a few of my former colleagues from my life as a journo. I started feeling homesick for that time of my life, I started glorifying the hard slog, the incredible frustrations of pulling a news story or feature together, the deadlines, the juggling multiple interests of publishers, editors and ad reps... That's the other thing that I've noticed lately. I've become mega nostalgic. Seems that ANY time in my past has a rose coloured tint, and I look back on it with a sigh, thinking "that was truly the happiest time of my life"
What gives?
Most of the time, I was trying to get further up the career ladder or getting frustrated with my paycheck, or wanting to move somewhere else.
The grass is always greener, eh?
But here was another thought as I drove home with the peak hour traffic, reminiscing fondly about that very same route I drove from between North Sydney to Parramatta every day right after the most difficult time of my life. If I can now reminisce about THAT period as being so effing great, there is something seriously wrong with how I am viewing my life RIGHT NOW!
I know I have committed to where I am at for at least this year. But seriously, folks, if I have to feel this way about it, there must be something wrong, right?
I definitely don't think I'm depressed anymore, I've had way too many signs lately that I'm actually enjoying stuff I used to enjoy, I'm writing again, I have a goal, which is giving it meaning. Each day is not simply going through the motions, but actually planning a little more, forward thinking and connecting with people at home, at work, in general.
But I still don't feel joyful or happy. I just feel.... shitty with life.
I am okay with this feeling, in the spirit of just feeling my feelings...... so.... what? ... I'm feeling a little jacked off with my life and circumstances... doesn't mean anything, yeah?
I was at a marketing and networking event this afternoon, and I met quite a few of my former colleagues from my life as a journo. I started feeling homesick for that time of my life, I started glorifying the hard slog, the incredible frustrations of pulling a news story or feature together, the deadlines, the juggling multiple interests of publishers, editors and ad reps... That's the other thing that I've noticed lately. I've become mega nostalgic. Seems that ANY time in my past has a rose coloured tint, and I look back on it with a sigh, thinking "that was truly the happiest time of my life"
What gives?
Most of the time, I was trying to get further up the career ladder or getting frustrated with my paycheck, or wanting to move somewhere else.
The grass is always greener, eh?
But here was another thought as I drove home with the peak hour traffic, reminiscing fondly about that very same route I drove from between North Sydney to Parramatta every day right after the most difficult time of my life. If I can now reminisce about THAT period as being so effing great, there is something seriously wrong with how I am viewing my life RIGHT NOW!
I know I have committed to where I am at for at least this year. But seriously, folks, if I have to feel this way about it, there must be something wrong, right?
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