I was told recently that I am "selfish".
Instantly my hackles got up at this. What? Me selfish? How dare they... I'm not selfish!
[Cried my ego]
Then I thought about it. I AM selfish. My life is predominantly "Tash"-focused, and I don't really have to consider others in my overall life plans (for the most part). I also know exactly who my"self" is. I have always known this. I also know exactly what my"self" wants, and what it doesn't want. And I'm not willing to compromise it.
I guess that could all be seen as "selfish" to others.
However, what I was initially reacting to was the overall negative connotation that being "selfish" always brings up. It seems like such a nasty, small-minded, self-serving thing to be. But I actually think being selfish gets a really bad rap. Of course we all need to be considerate of others, compassionate, have empathy. But sometimes wouldn't it be good for us all to be a little more "selfish".
The immediate person that comes to mind is the self-sacrificing mother who always puts her broods' needs before hers, draining her "self" of nurturing, and ending up grumpy, snappish, and lacking a sense of humour or perspective. Wouldn't it be a good thing for her to engage in little random acts of selfishness? Wouldn't that bring a little joy to her day, and fill her emotional cup... if mum is happy, then everyone is happy?
And how about the family man, toiling away in a job he doesn't particularly love bringing home the bacon for his brood. Building up anger and resentment that his dreams and passions have been sacrificed. Would it not bring a little harmony if he were allowed to be a little selfish and take time out for things he loves to do?
In fact, anyone who is finding themselves continually putting the needs of others before their own, should balance the scales and practice a little selfishness.
There needs to be a balance between selfless and selfish. But I feel that selfless seems to have a better rep in this world, people admire those who are selfless. Whereas "selfish" seems to be a quality that people use to attack someone when they see them doing something they don't agree with, or maybe it's jealousy that they don't feel they could act that way in their self-interest?
It is possible for someone to be selfish and have great compassion and empathy for others. In fact, I will go one step further and say that it is necessary TO be selfish to allow yourself to fully allow yourself to feel compassion and empathy for others, because you have already taken care of your emotional needs.
Your thoughts?
Instantly my hackles got up at this. What? Me selfish? How dare they... I'm not selfish!
[Cried my ego]
Then I thought about it. I AM selfish. My life is predominantly "Tash"-focused, and I don't really have to consider others in my overall life plans (for the most part). I also know exactly who my"self" is. I have always known this. I also know exactly what my"self" wants, and what it doesn't want. And I'm not willing to compromise it.
I guess that could all be seen as "selfish" to others.
However, what I was initially reacting to was the overall negative connotation that being "selfish" always brings up. It seems like such a nasty, small-minded, self-serving thing to be. But I actually think being selfish gets a really bad rap. Of course we all need to be considerate of others, compassionate, have empathy. But sometimes wouldn't it be good for us all to be a little more "selfish".
The immediate person that comes to mind is the self-sacrificing mother who always puts her broods' needs before hers, draining her "self" of nurturing, and ending up grumpy, snappish, and lacking a sense of humour or perspective. Wouldn't it be a good thing for her to engage in little random acts of selfishness? Wouldn't that bring a little joy to her day, and fill her emotional cup... if mum is happy, then everyone is happy?
And how about the family man, toiling away in a job he doesn't particularly love bringing home the bacon for his brood. Building up anger and resentment that his dreams and passions have been sacrificed. Would it not bring a little harmony if he were allowed to be a little selfish and take time out for things he loves to do?
In fact, anyone who is finding themselves continually putting the needs of others before their own, should balance the scales and practice a little selfishness.
There needs to be a balance between selfless and selfish. But I feel that selfless seems to have a better rep in this world, people admire those who are selfless. Whereas "selfish" seems to be a quality that people use to attack someone when they see them doing something they don't agree with, or maybe it's jealousy that they don't feel they could act that way in their self-interest?
It is possible for someone to be selfish and have great compassion and empathy for others. In fact, I will go one step further and say that it is necessary TO be selfish to allow yourself to fully allow yourself to feel compassion and empathy for others, because you have already taken care of your emotional needs.
Your thoughts?
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