I have started to really understand something more clearly since removing my head out of my ass, relationship-wise...
[Sidenote: boy, it's refreshing to be out of there. The air is sweeter, you can breathe properly, and things don't look so dark.]
[Apologies: to those who find the whole "head up own ass" analogy to be unpalatable.]
It's not always about me. And, in another really interesting version of that, it's not always about you.
From writing my experiences about my marriage, I've really come to realise how much head-ass action was going on. My head was up my own ass, and when it wasn't there I was busy poking my nose into O.P.P. (other peoples' problems), in other words, letting myself get involved in other peoples' heads being up their own asses, really it's any wonder I had a single clear thought at all with all that focus on the other end of our anatomy.
I joke. But there's a really interesting lesson in it for me.
When I'm not busy overblowing my own importance in this world, things seem to calm down a lot internally. My anxiety takes a hike and I learn to love the silences, and even the longer gaps "between drinks at Ye Olde Relationship Watering Hole."
What about this. What if I'm never meant to be part of another couple. Ever. Again. Wow. I said it. What if that were my destiny. I can, for the first time, say that fear out loud, without it bringing up sadness, regret or jealousy for what I see others having that I feel "I deserve to have".
What if that was it. The end. Well. I am still a fully functioning adult, for the most part. I still contribute. I still feel. I still love. I still have an impact on the world, no matter how small or large.
I deserve to be here.
And here is the other thing. When I'm not overblowing the significance or importance that others (I mean specifically in a relationship sense) have on my life and "story", I get even more calm and less anxious. Because, what if they were never the right ones for me in the first place. What if I had been projecting far more importance and significance on them from a place of my own needs wanting to be met. What if they were just another person, getting on in life to the best of their ability, doing the stuff that they do and not really understanding how much impact they were having on me, because of my own head-up-own-ass activities.
It's not always about me. And it's not always about you.
It's liberating.
[Sidenote: boy, it's refreshing to be out of there. The air is sweeter, you can breathe properly, and things don't look so dark.]
[Apologies: to those who find the whole "head up own ass" analogy to be unpalatable.]
It's not always about me. And, in another really interesting version of that, it's not always about you.
From writing my experiences about my marriage, I've really come to realise how much head-ass action was going on. My head was up my own ass, and when it wasn't there I was busy poking my nose into O.P.P. (other peoples' problems), in other words, letting myself get involved in other peoples' heads being up their own asses, really it's any wonder I had a single clear thought at all with all that focus on the other end of our anatomy.
I joke. But there's a really interesting lesson in it for me.
When I'm not busy overblowing my own importance in this world, things seem to calm down a lot internally. My anxiety takes a hike and I learn to love the silences, and even the longer gaps "between drinks at Ye Olde Relationship Watering Hole."
What about this. What if I'm never meant to be part of another couple. Ever. Again. Wow. I said it. What if that were my destiny. I can, for the first time, say that fear out loud, without it bringing up sadness, regret or jealousy for what I see others having that I feel "I deserve to have".
What if that was it. The end. Well. I am still a fully functioning adult, for the most part. I still contribute. I still feel. I still love. I still have an impact on the world, no matter how small or large.
I deserve to be here.
And here is the other thing. When I'm not overblowing the significance or importance that others (I mean specifically in a relationship sense) have on my life and "story", I get even more calm and less anxious. Because, what if they were never the right ones for me in the first place. What if I had been projecting far more importance and significance on them from a place of my own needs wanting to be met. What if they were just another person, getting on in life to the best of their ability, doing the stuff that they do and not really understanding how much impact they were having on me, because of my own head-up-own-ass activities.
It's not always about me. And it's not always about you.
It's liberating.
I love you Musey.
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