Manifesting

I have to talk about this, as I have been noticing for some time now that I seem to be manifesting at a greater speed than I ever have before.

I met an amazing woman last year who, when I told her how easily my book happened once I decided to write it, how the publishing contract landed in my lap, and then the promotional aspects pretty much found me (book launch venue, PR contacts, etc), she said "of course, you are a master manifester!"
I brushed it off, but that comment stuck with me. Whatever I think, seems to happen (good or bad). This is why it was so important to me some 10 years ago, when I was going through the most turbulent years of my life, to get my thinking sorted out. Manifesting only happens when your conscious and subconscious thoughts are in congruence. This can also be seen in "The Secret" (which is not simply just a wishful thinking lottery). And the power of positive thinking.

I often look back at that period, all the pain and hurt I caused myself and others, all came from broken thinking. I felt so unworthy of anything good, so pushed away with thoughts and actions anything that seemed to be good.

When I finally got my thinking sorted out (both conscious and subconscious), things just started happening easily and this has been accelerating in the last 3 years or so.

I had no evidence of this until this year, when I started to note when my thoughts became reality.

When I quit to start my business, I wrote a list of people that I knew through my networks that I would love to work with again. When I look at my list (written in a notepad last year) I can count all of those people who have contacted ME to work with ME. Rather than me having to pitch THEM, it's all just happened naturally, organically, and for the best outcome for both of us.

But that has been happening over the period of the last 12 months.

Last week I wrote in my diary which organisations I'd like to start working more closely with for Marrying Bipolar.

Have a look at the date below my note to contact these organisations - 20 June (Monday).

Now have a look at this Tweet from Jack Heath to my Twitter account yesterday.... Jack Heath is the CEO of SANE Australia. Look at the first name on my hand written note.

Now, is that manifestation, or what!?!

Bad blogger

Hi all, I've been a bad bad blogger of late! So busy launching my book Marrying Bipolar (which went really well by the way), working an almost full-time role for my day job and building up Clevertype Services PLUS doing an SEO course to optimise my many different websites (okay, well just three of em).

BREATHE!

Anyway. I have made the decision to decouple my personal blog from Marrying Bipolar. I couldn't quite get my head around what I should be blogging about and if it should be related to the book, so in the end that shows all that has done is confuse me (and probably confuse my audience).

This blog is for my flights of whimsy. I started getting all serious and 'in my own head' when I thought of this blog, and that's not what this blog was all about!

In fact, given its inception as a place for me to brain dump and get through some pretty serious issues, it's come a long long way, baby!

So stay tuned for what's coming up next. I will be revamping both the Notes from a Muse blog as well as Marrying Bipolar, and getting more strict on my own content creation.

VIDEO LAUNCH: Marrying Bipolar - What It's Like to Lose Someone to Suicide.

I am so so proud of this video. Almost prouder than getting my book published! This is a small snapshot of why writing this book was so important to me. While I explore all these themes of loss, denial, hopelessness, my own battles with depression and post traumatic stress disorder in greater detail within the book, actually speaking my truth has had such a powerful effect on me.

I was initially nervous about committing my thoughts to video, but I think the result is greater than I hoped it might be. We all deserve our voices to be heard, and I would like to thank my good friends Lyn Taylor, Nick Payne and Katie Garfoot for giving me such a wonderful and safe environment in which to voice mine.

xxx

Mumford & Sons

We have torrential rain in Sydney, and we are about to head out to see Mumford & Sons at The Domain....

But I have decided to dress up anyway!

I give you Exhibit A: outdoor live music ready to wear. Easy ponytail to avoid wet hair. Earphones with the band's latest tunes. Black obsidian necklace. Easy tunic featuring rustic folk pattern to suit both outdoors and M&S's brand of folk-inspired music. Rose quartz ring to display my lovin' 'tude towards the dude who bought these tickets for my 42nd birthday. Black thongs featuring glittery sides for both practical application in the wet, but also a nod to the glam outing (not shown).

Ready to rock! (and get wet)

Blog a day.... sometimes

I am not doing terribly well at this blog per day business. I am just going to call it and say I will try my best to post every day, but that may not happen all the time. Okay, even some of the time. Let me be very honest, I'm not great at follow through pretty much ALL of the time.

But I am trying, in my flawed human way, to be better. So like every other venture I have launched and then let fizzle, I am going to let myself off this hook this time, and promise "I will be better... I will try harder.... I will not try to be perfect and then stop doing what I love because I end up NOT being perfect."

Lotsa love to you if you are reading, and for me (who is writing this without the certainty that there is a "you" who is reading)
xxx

Au-jourd'hui Je suis Paris (aka sometimes gratitude is bloody hard)

Today the world woke up to terrible news. Multiple attacks on Paris, the city of love. Again the world wept and we asked "Why do these people exist?" We don't understand, we lash out at the wrong people, and many of us try and blame the victims for these awful events.

It's tough, under these circumstances, to find something to be grateful for. Being grateful for simply being halfway around the world from those who have been directly hit in these circumstances seems glib and rather selfish. Being grateful for those who help seems like we are trying too hard to find good in what is essentially good-less acts.

This meaningless loss of life and horror, all in the name of "my god is better than your god" is bloody horrible. And we should feel the horror.

Sometimes all we can do is keep these events in our hearts and minds and promise faithfully not to let evil beget evil.

Au-jourd'hui Je suis Paris.

Day trippin'

No post yesterday as I was TOO BLOODY BUSY HAVING A GREAT DAY!

Early morning start for a day trip out to the Blue Mountains. I considered it a privilege having an excuse to take my day off on a random Tuesday and be the one who shows off our fair assets to the west of our city to a visitor from the UK.

We had a wonderful day exploring the Everglades Gardens at Leura, where I took every opportunity to try out my new-found knowledge on the DSLR camera. It was a blast. We feasted upon Devonshire Tea (scones with jam, clotted cream and tea - diet be damned for a day!). And drank in the wonderful sunshine.



Next stop was Katoomba for the obligatory look at the 3 Sisters. I regaled my guest with the mythological origins of the story behind the rock formation, and we took a short hike out to Honeymoon Bridge, defying the steep stone stairs that were built by the Ranger Jim McKay back in god-knows-when! (EDIT: It was started in 1914, then had a break as the project was deemed too expensive - full story here )

We then did a little tourist inspired window shopping on the main street of Leura, which was delightful in itself. Just some of the wares I spotted on our travels are on my Instagram account.

When we finally got home in the evening, I then trotted off to my photography class to learn how to do night photography. We had a great time playing around with street lights, long exposures and painting with light. I'm going to have a lot of fun this week trying out the new skills!

The colour purple

Sydney in Spring is a veritable bower of jacarandas. The shade of purple is very specific, and very calming.

Today I was surrounded by the Colour Purple.


“I think it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don't notice it. People think pleasing God is all God cares about. But any fool living in the world can see it always trying to please us back.”
― Alice Walker, The Color Purple

 

HeavenTweetBookGram

My boyfriend thinks I'm hilarious.

This morning, after hearing how I'd amused myself while he was at work, he said: "If I was in heaven I would totally follow you, and just check in every day to see what you were up to. I bet they're up there, randomly seeing what you do, and chuckling to themselves saying "funniest program ever.""

I like the thought of Heaven social media platform being able to "follow" humans down here.

*waves to Banny, Pop, Nan and Pa*

Female Ricky Gervais

This is me being happy - in top to toe horizontal stripes. They make me happy, so shut up :)

Don't go chasing waterfalls

We had glorious sunshine this morning.

Then this happened....

Umbrellas

I know I should be glad of the rain. But when I have to go out in it, still half ill, I don't get all "Singing in the Rain" about it.

And then I change my perspective...

Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

They say that, cultural viewpoints aside, the human species has a fairly universal view of beauty.... despite race, religion, age or gender, we are all meant to be drawn towards symmetry, smooth skin, and markers of procreation's superiority.

However, I disagree somewhat with these findings. I have always been drawn to flawed beauty. And what I hold as beauty is not perfect symmetry or smoothness, but interesting features that tell a story about the individual. I love staring deeply into faces (photos mostly as in real life staring too hard into peoples' faces is a bit disconcerting... more on that  later); I love seeing peoples' souls reflected in their eyes; the markers of their lives on their faces and hands. I love noticing the tiny details about that person which makes them unique. I love sleuthing and deducing personalities, life moments and "feeling" their back stories.

Some have found it super spooky that I can tell almost immediately what is surrounding them, or what has transpired in their lives, simply from looking at them or a photo of them with others. It's simply deep intuition, the more meditation I did, the more I could intuit from that person.

I try not to do it these days, as I said it is somewhat disconcerting if that person has not invited such intense scrutiny.

When I was a young child (under 5), I used to do this instinctively, and I found myself drawn to older faces. My great aunt's face (grandmother's sister) in particular held such interest for me. Her face was weathered and deep-etched with lines, and I used to stare openly at her with a gaze which must have felt highly intrusive and embarrassing for her. Feeling very self-conscious about her appearance, she asked my mother to tell me to stop staring.

My mother took me aside and explained gently that "Auntie Mary doesn't like you staring at her face, she feels embarrassed". And apparently I said quite genuinely "But mum, I love her face, it's beautiful."

And these character-filled faces still are beautiful to me.

Photo credit: http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/08/17-quotes-1-video-happy-old-age/

Coffee

Coffee makes me happy. I am grateful for my personal coffee maker. Gifted to me when I first moved into my apartment in Surry Hills, which was more about getting away from my old house, than getting into a trendy area.

This apartment was my sanctuary from the world when I was still raw.

Being able to have fresh coffee without leaving the house was amazing.

Sydney, I hardly know ye

I often walk to Broadway Shopping Centre. It's a nice mid-distance walk from Surry Hills. I usually follow City Road. But today I noticed that the tunnel under Central Station goes much further than I remembered, so I followed it to another route. It was delightful exploring another side of my neighbourhood that I hadn't seen before.

It was also very peaceful as there weren't any crowds or traffic to negotiate. I could go at my own brisk pace, and avoid traffic lights, making it a consistent walk.

I also found lots more nooks and statues to snap along the way!

I HAVE A DATE!

Today's gratitude is easy.

I HAVE A DATE FOR MARRYING BIPOLAR'S PUBLICATION!!!!!!

This means i can lock in a date for the book launch, which I am planning to be 1st April, 2016. The reason I am so set on this date, as it will be the anniversary of my wedding, which adds a nice symmetry to all of this.

I owe, I owe (blogs)

Sigh. Life really does get in the way of writing, in all its gloriousness!

I haven't done my daily blog since Sunday, so now I owe you all 5 blogs (6 counting today!) So let's make this a short and sweet gratitude per day.

Monday 26 October - AKA Work Happies

The day before a big event, I am normally to be found herding people, fine tuning last minute messaging, and doing any number of triages on editorial emergencies. Monday felt like it was all under control. There were some last minute preparations, but it was all very stress-free. I felt like I finally have the balance between corporate life and freelancing! Which is a blessing as I was wondering how I would go leaving corporate altogether! (I do like the pace, I must admit!)

Tuesday 27 October - AKA Happiness is Not Listening to Douches

So at the cocktail evening of our event, I was cornered by a man I dubbed Douchie Douchbag McDouche. Just a couple of snippets from our conversation and you will realise why:

Snippet #1 (as he interrupted a fascinating conversation I was engaged in to drag me away and converse with him)

DDMcD: You look bored, why don't you talk to me,
Me: Er, okay. But I wasn't bored, I was actually quite fascinated by....
DDMcD: Yes you were, you were standing like this (imitates my stance by placing his chin on his hand, as I had been standing, in rapt fascination of the conversation....) Anyway I'm much more interesting than him.

Snippet #2 (after I politely gave him half a chance, like the "nice" person I am)
Me: So which presentation are you most looking forward to listening to tomorrow?
DDMcD: Oh I don't know. And I bet you won't be there.
Me: Actually I'm really looking forward to learning more about [company] and the technology as well as the partner strategies....
DDMcD: (interrupting me) Oh no, you'll be off shopping!
Me: (Taken aback) No, not really. I'm here to learn! Anyway, I don't like shopping.
DDMcD: Of course you do, all women love shopping.
Me: In your experience, maybe.

Snippet #3
DDMcD: So which part of Sydney are you from?
Me: Surry Hills
DDMcD: Oh, you're one of THOSE people, are you?
Me: What does "one of those people" mean?
DDMcD: (leering) I'm just f*&%ing with you.

Snippet #4 (After noticing I was not drinking)
DDMcD: Where's your drink? Here, I'll get you one (Starts clicking and waving at the waitstaff)
Me: No it's alright, I have already asked one of the waitstaff for one.
DDMcD (flagging down a waiter) You drink red wine...
Me: No, I don't, I'm not drinking. I'm waiting for a mineral water.
DDMcD: (looking at me doubtfully) Why aren't you drinking?
Me: (not wishing to go into the personal reasons) I have a bet with myself that I can go a whole year without alcohol.
DDMcD: No... I know why you're not drinking.... you're shy.
Me (really getting to the end of my patience with this jerk who keeps judging me and coming up completely wrong) Shy? What on earth does that have anything to do with not drinking?
DDMcD: You are shy of letting your boss see you drink at your new job.
Me: No, that's not correct at all, excuse me, I have to go.

So, dear readers, where's the strawberry in that? In my past life I would consider it my "job" or duty to continue entertaining this lughead. Instead, I recognised the inevitable negative feeling I would get from continuing to engage, so I simply removed myself from his company and avoided him pointedly for the rest of the event.

Wednesday 28 October, AKA: Having my conference and walking too!
Having reignited my fitbit passion, I got up early and walked along the beach, which was metres from the stunning hotel we were all staying at.

A picture tells a thousand words, so here's 2,000 words below :)

 

Thursday 29 October, AKA: 6 Degrees of Separation!

So, with the formalities of the event over, I spent the day with our amazing, and crazy, left-of-centre, events folks. Laughed like I have not laughed in a very long time. Then added them all to Facebook, with the result that one came running up to me, "ARE YOU A DAVID?!?!?" he asked. "Yes." "OMG, I grew up with your cousins! I worked with your auntie!"

Talk about 6 degrees of separation! Turns out we have been ducking and weaving most of our lives at family events and gatherings! Here is me waving to my cousins through his phone :D

Friday, 30 October, AKA: It's a good life!
Yesterday was my day off from my contract role, so I got to work on web stuff, which I really enjoy. I also got a few more commissions, meaning I will not be experiencing the typical freelance downtime over summer as I had anticipated! This is great from a financial perspective, but I wonder if i will be able to enjoy fun in the sun? I guess I will take my laptop to Clovelly :D

Oh, and early payment from one of my jobs was also a bonus!

Freelance life = WINNING!

Tribes

Tribe is a word that gets used a lot these days. I must admit, I have been really skeptical of the word, as it seems to have been adopted for marketing purposes to describe a group of people that belong belong to or identify with an online community, than its original description, which is:

"a distinct people, dependent on their land for their livelihood, who are largely self-sufficient, and not integrated into the national society. It is perhaps the term most readily understood and used by the general public." - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tribe

So, in my view, it sat a little uncomfortably with me. Until today. I met some of the community from Creating Vibrant Bodacious Health through HCG! Far from being a "diet" page that focuses purely on self deprivation and weight loss, this page was created with love by a bodacious warrrior woman to focus on all things health, and create bodacious lives for ourselves.

Hmmmm, this sounds like my tribe, yes?

And they are!

Here are some of the snaps form today. looking forward to meeting more of the tribe in February, at the Symposium for Health!!!

xxx

 

Food, family, food, fun and more food

I became part of a wonderful extended family 3 years ago when I met my equally wonderful boyfriend. I have grown more fond of them all as the years have progressed.

This family is Maltese, which is really funny considering my late husband was also Maltese (one could say I have a very specific 'type'!)

Part of the beauty of this is that I already know about the nuances that a Maltese family brings. As someone who has been exposed to this from quite a young age, I can almost understand the language!

But perhaps my attraction to this group of people is because I am such a foodie, and the maltese mamas.... gosh can they cook! My boyfriend has a wonderful mama who was a dedicated and loving mum to 4 children, an amazing cook, and a generous and kind soul.

"Mama Gatt", as I call her, threw me a surprise birthday dinner last night with the entire family. It was amazing! As always, we started with soup. Tomato soup. But as always hers had a twist.

Bacon!

Coz Mama Gatt understands that bacon makes everything better :)

Then an amazing dish that I have heard so much about over the last 3 years, Laham Fuq il-Fwar (pronouced lamb fool fwah). Until last night, when I asked how this dish was spelled, the rest of the family thought it was lamb. Nope, it's Maltese steamed beef. And it simply falls apart.

It is served with mashed potatoes and peas, and there are some pretty specific rules around dishing it out, as another "in-law" discovered as he went to cut the meat.... the entire clan of siblings descended on him, shouting instructions over each other in their haste to preserve the structure of the meat, and the "proper way" to eat this dish! Suitably put in our places, we both sat back while Papa Gatt, the patriach of this quirky clan, showed us how it was done - meat, then mash and peas, the pour the gravy over the mash and peas.

The dish was, to put it mildly, succulently delicious!

But wait that was by no means, all!

We had, not one, not two, but THREE desserts!

Mama Gatt had remembered me saying in passing that my favourite sweet dish of hers is apple crumble. This simple dish that I have made plenty of times before, becomes a culinary miracle when made in her kitchen! It is both crunchy and caramel-y all at the same time... and got all the leftovers to myself! ha!

There was also lemon meringue pie, a family favourite, and chocolate cake with cute candles. All in all, the spread was exactly what I call a manifestation of why we have bodies and taste buds. In short, it was utterly satisfying.

But. more satisfying was the feeling that I have been one hundred percent accepted and embraced into their lives, and that is infinitely better than anything you could dish up.

Blessed doesn't begin to cover it :)

ND... phone home

Short post, an easy one to be grateful today. I got a new phone after putting up with my old one for almost 4 years!

I am not one to change phones often, but 2 years ago I did and then promptly dropped the brand spanking new phone into the toilet (don't ask).

So I had to put up with my old one for much longer than most people do these days! It was getting... slow. Like anyone that has passed their prime, it would go into an app, then promptly forget why it was there and shut it down.

Suffice to say it tried my patience. A lot.

So I upgraded, and got a great deal! Shiny new toys do make me happy.

Now, where did I put those instructions!

When it rains, it pours

Literally!

There is a 200 metre walk between my car park and my apartment building. Halfway down this walk tonight, the skies opened up and pelted water at me.... it was fast and furious enough that stopping to retrieve and open my umbrella would have resulted in me getting more drenched than simply picking up the pace, laughing hysterically all the way home at how wet I was suddenly getting!

I had taken a shot of the rain only moments before, you can already see the rain coming down in torrents.

And yet, somehow it got far worse! It felt like I was suddenly wading through a waterfall.

It made me recall my boyfriend's Homeless Challenge earlier this year, and how grateful I am to have a roof over my head, a warm bed to sleep in, and easy access to a shower to clean up after a sudden downfall of rain.