CrankyPants Reaction Rant

I read another silly relationship blog again today. But it's not the blog that gets me crankypants. It's comments like these, posted by "Unshackled" who seems to paint ALL Sydney women with the same "superficial" brush. Believe me, this is the stereotype of Sydney women that I am fast becoming sick of reading. I will deal with this rant line by line, because it's gotten my hackles up [no, I don't know what hackles are either, but mine are DEFINITELY up.]


I can't speak for the other males in Sydney, but it seems like the men who want to commit, be monogamous, want to settle down and create a life with a woman are freakin' assed out.
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[I love how he is not speaking for other males in Sydney, yet is about to describe all single females in Sydney. You think this guy has met us all? Probably not.]
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I mean, it's all superficial with most of the single female population here in Sydney. 
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[Yes, Sydney is largely painted as completely superficial. From our glittering harbour to our Mountains of Blue. We get it. However, like every other place on the planet, there is the good and there is the bad. You gotta search out the good, and shake it out from the bad. I've lived in Sydney all my life and have only ever added decent, like-minded, values-driven people to my social circle. It's quite large by now. I figure through this large circle of like-minded people I will eventually find my "Prince". It's a good idea to try doing something similar.]

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Can I vent further? Well, I am anyway.
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[Sigh.]
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If a guy doesn't have washboard abs, a big bank account and the material things, he never "gets the girl". 
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[I suspect this means he does not have washboard abs, a big bank account and material things, and is bitter about it. It's called "projection", and it's where we believe that what we find deficient in others MUST be what they find lacking in us. In other words, I would place a large bet that this guy is looking for the same thing in women that is considered "high status" from a man's point of view (slim, long blonde hair, good looking) and is getting frustrated that they are not giving him a chance. He then projects what he is doing onto ALL women and complaining about it. The fact is, most of my married friends (who happen to live in Sydney) say that what attracted them to their partner was their personality. Yep, that's right. Personalities are the most important thing.]

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Whatever happened to old-fashioned values where a man works hard, treats a woman like a lady and showers her with love and romance gone? Via way of the 8-track and ColecoVision I think.
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[Those men are a rare breed. I agree with him there, where have those values gone? It's not because women suddenly didn't want them, they seem to be dying out as a supply factor in the economic equation that is Sydney Single Scene.]
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And then females hang onto that whole "Sex and the City" attitude. That show was THE WORST thing to happen to the single male in the civilized world. 
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[Right, he just lost whatever credibility he had to start with. Get past the fluff of that show, which was actually "entertainment" not a "documentary" and you will find some genuine questioning about what makes a "real" man and how to find "real" love. One by one, each character finds love with the men who they were not expecting to be their "Ones". A nice message to single women, I thought. The rest was funny and vicarious and mostly about the shoes.]
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I applaud women for having standards in what they want in life. 
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[Doesn't really sound like it. SAYING you applaud women and actually living it are two different things.]
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That's how it should be: don't settle for 2nd best, however, you set the bar WAAAAYYYY too high and the average, great guy who will treat you right doesn't have a chance.
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[I'm confused. We shouldn't settle for second best, but our best is too high for men like him to jump through? What does that say? Thought about self improvements? And by this, I mean work on the attitude, cos ANY guy that treats us right and is a great guy gets a chance with most real women. Just a pity that I haven't personally come across a great deal that I can vouch for. And sometimes there is just not enough compatibility to continue. Yes, shock horror! Just because you are a great guy and single, doesn't mean that you and the girl you are chasing will have sufficient compatibility to make a long term relationship work!]
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If I have to be an asshole/dickhead/bad boy/bastard to "get the girl", I think I'll stick to celibacy.
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[WHOA! Now men who end up committing to women are ALL assholes/dickheads and bad boys? Sorry, I do not see women staying with these men. Again, the married/committed women I know (including me at one stage) went for great guys who treat us right. Sometimes it takes a while to find them. I'm not out there whinging about "all single Sydney men are bastards." Cos they're not. It just takes a while to sift through the chaff to get to the wheat.]

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Can I get an AMEN? Hello and AMEN, walls.
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[No, you can't.]
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Thank you for your time. End of rant.

Note - this guy followed up with yet another whingey post. If he couldn't be trusted to keep his word that his rant ended in the previous comment, I'd wager that's why he (and similar men) is (are) still single and bitter.

The end.

What's the difference between a gay male friend and a male friend who isn't interested in you?

Watching Will and Grace...

What is the difference between having a gay male friend and a male (straight) friend who you are interested in, but isn't interested in you?

Why is it that I can have a friendship with one, but not the other?

Is it because there is no chance in hell of ending up in bed with the former? And that even though there is no real chance of a relationship with the latter, that there is always the real chance they will want to end up in bed with me at some point?

And the fact that this has happened and been the cause of real heartbreak in the past?

But, that aside. What is the real difference?

I'd like to know. Because in fact, there is no real future with either species, but I have had "fun" with both types... there has been heartbreak with both types (if you watch Will and Grace, you will understand what this equates to with the gay best friend... it's not that you harbour hopes of a real romantic relationship, just that often a gal's friendship with her gay best friend can sometimes be SO much more fulfilling and fun and wonderful and diverting than any liaison with a straight male....)

Sigh.

I sometimes cannot work out life. Or the universe. Or anything,

It's enough to drive a girl to atheism!

Relationships: establishing a bigger picture

Anyone who knows me, reads this blog, or even has a casual friendship with me via online social networking sites such as Facebook or Twitter, would know by now of my deep longing to meet 'Mr Right' for a long-term relationship (whatever that should look like). But I have been dating for such a long time (5 and a half years to be exact) that I despair it will ever happen. I had started beliving that maybe I was given just a couple of key chances at a fulfilling long term committed relationship and that I blew them!

But today I read this article in the Sydney Morning Herald Heartbreak helps you find 'the one' and I was heartened to discover instead that all my perceived "failures" in my marriage and in the short-term relationships that have followed since, might be stepping stones to something wonderful. All I have to do is take heed of the lessons I learned, and "put them altogether."

Seems easy, right?

Wrong. I battle countless negative internal programs that have not been made any less strident from having gone through each painful heartbreak. But as I have recently re-discovered, looking closely at the background mental programs that dictate my diet, exericise and financial habits has created a new level of awareness for me and contibuted to better choices I make each and every day. I am not perfect, but I am making better choices.

So perhaps the key to reprogramming my negatives self-beliefs about myself and my ability to meet and create a successful relationship is to reprogram the way I view past failures?

This will be a work in progress blog, because I can't list all the beliefs in the one sitting. When I catch myself in a moment, I will update this blog and choose a more positive way of looking at that mental program. The first few are the ones immediately at the forefront of my mind.

Please be kind, and remember a lot of these are not necessarily logical (for example numbers 4 & 8 are completely contradictory to number 11), but they are there. I am just bringing them into the light to have a good look at them.

1. It's too late, I'm way over the hill now, and men are only interested in 20-something women
2. Men don't like smart, funny women
3. I'm too fat
4. All the men I like don't like me "in that way"
5. Men don't like women who are too independent
6. I'm too abrasive
7. I intimidate men
8. I am not sexy
9. I laugh too loudly
10. I only fall in love with damaged men
11. Men just view me as good for one thing
12. Men will always abandon me (so it's safer to not to allow myself to be vulnerable)
13. I have nothing interesting to say
14. I don't have time
15. He doesn't exist
16. I'm too career focused
17. I'm not worthy of love
18. I'm too analytical

Feeding the soul and the body

I've started a new group called "Mindful Munchers" where members keep each other honest about what we are putting into our gobs each day, swapping helpful tips on keeping cravings at bay, and yummy recipes that meet our nutritional needs.

It's been so helpful and inspiring, more than I had imagined!

I have found that each day I start by planning - what shall I have for breakfast? Pack for lunch and snacks? Defrost for dinner?

And yet, it's also been a lesson in mindfulness in other ways. This evening, as I walked from home from work I arrived at my doorstep to find my local cafe (so local, it's actually in my building!) still open for its opening night of late trading!

The beautiful Italian boys who I have struck up a friendship with over the past 10 or so months encouraged me to dine at their hospitality (I truly am blessed with wonderful people in my life) and I found myself thinking "why the hell not... as long as I make conscious choices I should be fine."

So I had a shower (the humidity means that walking home for 30 minutes leaves me hot and sweating), dressed in a summer frock, put a flower in my hair (I subconsciously prepared myself for an "experience", rather than just simply "food") and sat outside.

Stefano and Luca introduced me to their two friends sitting at the table opposite me, "Umberto" and "Tiulio"... divine names that conjure up exotic conversations just overheard but not understood.

Stefano explained the set up, went through the specials, and although the pastas and bruschettas sounded wonderful, the prawn+avocado salad jumped out at me as the most appropriate choice. In fact, when I examined how I was feeling, I only wanted something light and flavoursome. I was brought a small entree bruschetta with a chicken concoction for starters, which I ate half. I was also brought a small carafe of red wine (did I mention how spoiled I am with amazing friends?)

As I sat and sipped and waited for my salad to arrive, the dusk was falling. I really sat and savoured the moment. I listened to the jazz wafting from the cafe and the Italian boys' conversation. I noticed I was sitting across from the Absinthe Salon, a Parisienne-inspired speciality bar and I also took a new look at the row of Victorian terraces opposite my honey-coloured converted warehouse apartment building (the terraces are actually a red-light destination, and I don't mean a doctor's residence....). I felt the zephyr gently rustling through the liquid amber trees planted on the side of the road.... and thought "I could actually be in Europe right now... how wonderful!"

I ate my salad which was every bit as promising as I had hoped. Stefano hovered anxiously over my final bites, keen to hear my verdict, and pressing me "No really, what did you think?" I felt so special to think that my opinion was considered so important!

Mains now done, I sat and read a little more of my book, overhearing snippets of conversations surrounding me, in the midst of couples and yet feeling ever so happy to be on my own tonight.

I was then brought a sample of the homemade tiramisu. It was lovely and light and wholly appreciated; every single bite. Mindful munching indeed! And mindful joy.

Finally, an espresso was summoned, exactly how I like it. And, then gently pressed for another red wine. That makes 3 glasses in toto. Oh well, who's counting when you are amongst such friends?

Then... belly and soul full of good food and good vibes, I asked for my bill. It amounted to a pittance, their reasoning it was an opening night... I was given profuse "thank you's" for my custom. You heard me correctly. What amazing people. What a night.

My "diet" can stand having such detours IF they are a special one-off. And only if they feed the soul as much as tonight has.

Austen never had this problem

I was watching Sense and Sensibility for the umpteenth time over the holiday break, and two scenes really caught my modern-girl eye.

Scene 1 - The Dashwood women are sitting in the cottage front room, as their "man who does" lugs wood for the fire into the room, all the while chatting about local doings. He casually mentions that he bumped into "Mr and Mrs Ferrars". They all assume he is referring to Edward Ferrars, on whom Elinor Dashwood had been holding onto hope for the entire film, but whose love affair was thwarted by a prior engagement. However, this is a misunderstanding which is not cleared up until the denouement of the film, which leads to a waterfall of emotions that Elinor has been holding for a whole 120 minutes.

Scene 2 - The young, impetuous and beautiful Marianne Dashwood marries the older, but still wealthy, respectable and kind Colonel Brandon, whom she had ealier spurned due to her affections for the dashing yet caddish Willoughby, who marries for money instead of following his heart and love for Marianne. We see Willoughby alone, on his horse high up on the hill as he watches the happy couple celebrating and showering gold coins on the friends and family, then turns away unhappily.

If these two scenes were played out today the level of drama would be lost due to the wealth of information we can now access or deduce from our online connections

For example, the misunderstanding of the first scene would be rendered entirely irrelevant when the youngest daughter, Margaret Dashwood, checked her Facebook to see that Edward Ferrars' relationship had changed from "It's complicated" to "Single". She would then need only follow the links from his friends list to see that "Lucy Steele" is now "married to Robert Ferrars" and the whole ensuing distress felt by Elinor could have been avoided.

The second scene shows Willoughby showing remorse and regret for losing Marianne whom he rejected for stability and wealth, and it shows her to be blissfully ignorant to his distress. If he had a mobile phone, he might have texted that he was thinking of her in that moment, bringing up old wounds for her yet making him feel better to have reached out to his true love. The scene also made me wonder how he had found out she was marrying the Colonel... after all, Marianne didn't have a blog, although in this day and age it would be a safe bet to assume she would have one, being of a somewhat sensitive and over-sharing nature unlike her stoic elder sister.

It also made me realise that having this knowledge makes us sadder, and less able to move on from those who break our hearts, or those hearts that we have broken. Something that, in this day and age of endless Google searches and plethora of information shared in mulititude of places, makes it more and more difficult to actually do, unless you are strong enough to avoid it voluntarily.

But who amongst us has that kind of strength these days? Sheer curiosity alone can be enough to lead you to Google and enter a name that should have long since been relegated to the corridors of memory, and find new and fresh ways of opening those wounds.

Being able to "stalk" old love interests, re-ignite those flames, and rake through the debris of current information is a not good thing. It keeps us welded to the past, and leads us to making silly decisions... we are able to torture ourselves via Twitter, Facebook, blogs.

Even for poor Elinor, who imagined her loved one was forever separated from her, having her misunderstanding cleared up instantly would probably not have lessened her anxiety. There was no guarantee that he was going to pursue for her, after all.

It's probably a good lesson in just accepting the circumstances, that we find ourselves in... and if something is meant to be... it will be!

2011, what are we going to create together?

My last post was about reviewing the year that was.

This post is about what I would like to create in 2011.

As opposed to previous years, I will not be listing "New Year's Resolutions" or lists of what I "want". I will be trying to focus on the journey, on the processes that I would like to create. Situations or feelings or habits that I'd like to form. I would like to avoid looking for an outcome, for setting myself expectations on what I want to "achieve" in the past has only led to stress and anxiety and sadness when "it doesn't happen for me."

Say it with me, folks.... the journey is just as important as the destination. As The Muppets sang in Moving Right Along "getting there is half the fun, come share it with me...."

1. Being present in the moment - starting each day with a 10 or 15 minute simple meditation will help me bring mindfulness into my outlook... whether the day will be challenging or not, focusing on my thoughts, my centre and my breath always creates that space of peace within me

2. Stretch in the morning and every so often throughout my working day - simply stretching my limbs and torso will not only provide physical relief, but help sustain a flexible attitude as well.

3. "Do I really need it?" is what I will be asking myself each time I have a desire to buy something, be that a CD, DVD, impulse food item, or service. I have created a savings goal this year for the first time in a long time, and hitting that goal means sticking to a limit on "pleasure" purchases. I have budgeted for them, but it is not limitless which is how I viewed them in the past.

4. Take time off (related to #3's savings plan) - I will allow myself to take "real" holidays once again. My last trip was in 2007 to Thailand, and over the summer I took myself up the coast for sun, sand and saltwater. It did my soul no end of good. in 2011 I will be taking time off for more distant travel. I deserve time off, and to enjoy it.

5. Truly savour what I eat. I will not view food as restricted or dietary, but I will be mindful once more of what I am eating. I will savour it. I will enjoy it fully. And I will ensure that it fuels my activities in the best possible way.

6. Create more activity in daily life, be it walking to work, getting to the gym 3 times a week, or cycling and swimming on the weekend. I will enjoy how moving makes my body feel strong and flexible again.

7. Be open to love in all forms. Whether that continues to be friendship and extended family, or whether that includes meeting a special someone. Just be open to what life serves me in this arena.

8. Be creative, keep writing, keep performing, keep watching.

9. Smile.

10. Be.

Great moments of 2010

2010 is coming to a close, and it's time to reflect on the great things that happened, the not so great things, and the journey that is coming to a close for another year.

While it has been another rollercoaster, I have felt more in control of my destiny than ever before. I have felt more stable and capable of driving rather than being a passenger of my life. While certain goals have not manifested, I can see that I have come closer than ever to achieving them.

It's been a year of closing doors to some things that have not been healthy patterns. It has been a year of great awakenings and self awareness. It has been blessed from start to finish with incredible growth. And, as much as I bellyache from day to day about not getting what I want, or feel that I deserve, I always come back to the great lesson that life is teaching me: patience.

My list of great moments of 2010.

1. I finished my second triathlon, and bought a tri-bike custom built for the task
2. I shed my inhibitions and stood naked with over 5,000 fellow Sydneysiders on the steps of the Opera House
3. I rediscovered my love of baking
4. I learnt the art of cupcake decorating
5. I did half of the Level Three improvisation course
6. I made new blogger friends AND new friends in my neighbourhood
7. I travelled to Hay for a Sex and the Country photoshoot
8. I did half of a Stand Up Comedy course
9. I dated three men during the year... the most recent one came closest to Mr Right, even though he wasn't "ready for a relationship"... this is at least a positive step
10. I started my kinesiology business and finished all the requirements for my Cert IV
11. I came up with a great idea for a TV series, which I am about to start collaborating on with a friend
12. I started seeing a Life Coach and have finally pinned down my real goals and values in life
13. I have participated in, and supported, multiple improvisation comedy shows
14. I co-wrote two songs for a friend's band
15. I wore more dresses, and didn't stress so much about how I looked in them
16. Very importantly.... whenever the Black Dog bit... I didn't push my friends away... I asked for help... and I kept smiling :)
17. I started slowing down
18. I visited my family much more than in recent years
19. I started meditating again
20. I felt more connected to and more loved than ever before in my life by my friends and family. This has been the ultimate achievement for me.

All I want for Christmas

I have been thinking a lot about my Christmas wishlist, as we do a sweep within my family. Try as I might this year, I could not think of a single compelling "thing" that I desperately needed or wanted.

There are things I wouldn't mind having, but they are not really what I'd suggest someone to give me for as a gift for Christmas.

I am a big believer that experiences and memories are more valuable than "things" when it comes to gifts. And the very very sad fact is that I don't have anyone special to create those memories with at the moment, and haven't had this for quite some time. I have dated, I have met people, I have given each opportunity the best chance I could at the time. I do my best, I put on my bravest face to meet every day with a smile and my positive attitude. But so often I am ground down by this single fact, that all I really want for Christmas (and the rest of the year) is someone who "gets" me, someone that I "get", someone to create memories with for the rest of our lives.

I am 37. I am gainfully employed. I own my own home. I am funny. I am intelligent. I am not so bad looking. I am kind. I cook. I bake! Whatever baggage I have accumulated, I have also created a very stable way of moving forward without it weighing me down too much. I am great company. I am fun to be around. I have hobbies. I am not a psycho-scary Sydney princess who just wants someone to take care of her while she pops out babies.

I seriously do not understand why I am have not met him, the one who is ready for me, who lights my fire, who responds to mine. I do not understand what more I need to do, what more growth I need to have. Surely if I am ready, he should appear, that's been the promise from all the New Age positive thinking and mantras I bought into over the years.

One hundred movies

I have crossed out the movies I have seen. The ones in bold I own.

I have come to the conclusion I'm a bit of a movie fanatic.


1. The Shawshank Redemption (1994)
2. The Godfather (1972)
3. The Godfather: Part II (1974)
4. Inception (2010)
5. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (1966)
6. Pulp Fiction (1994)
7. Schindler’s List (1993)
8. 12 Angry Men (1957)
9. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1975)
10. The Dark Knight (2008)
11. Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
12. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
13. Seven Samurai (1954)
14. Star Wars (1977)
15. Goodfellas (1990)
16. Casablanca (1942)
17. Fight Club (1999)
18. City of God (2002)
19. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)
20. Toy Story 3 (2010)
21. Rear Window (1954)
22. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
23. Once Upon a Time in the West (1968)
24. Psycho (1960)
25. The Usual Suspects (1995)
26. The Matrix (1999)
27. The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
28. Se7en (1995)
29. Memento (2000)
30. It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)
31. The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)
32. Sunset Blvd. (1950)
33. Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)
34. Leon: The Professional (1994)
35. Forrest Gump (1994)
36. Citizen Kane (1941)
37. Apocalypse Now (1979)
38. North by Northwest (1959)
39. American Beauty (1999)
40. American History X (1998)
41. Taxi Driver (1976)
42. Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)
43. Vertigo (1958)
44. Saving Private Ryan (1998)
45. Amelie (2001)
46. Alien (1979)
47. WALL·E (2008)
48. Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
49. The Shining (1980)
50. A Clockwork Orange (1971)
51. Spirited Away (2001)
52. Paths of Glory (1957)
53. The Pianist (2002)
54. To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)
55. Double Indemnity (1944)
56. The Departed (2006)
57. The Lives of Others (2006)
58. M (1931)
59. Aliens (1986)
60. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
61. City Lights (1931)
62. Requiem for a Dream (2000)
63. Das Boot (1981)
64. The Third Man (1949)
65. Chinatown (1974)
66. L.A. Confidential (1997)
67. Reservoir Dogs (1992)
68. The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948)
69. Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
70. Modern Times (1936)
71. Pan’s Labyrinth (2006)
72. Back to the Future (1985)
73. The Prestige (2006)
74. Life Is Beautiful (1997)
75. Raging Bull (1980)
76. The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957)
77. Singin’ in the Rain (1952)
78. Cinema Paradiso (1988)
79. Some Like It Hot (1959)
80. Rashômon (1950)
81. Amadeus (1984)
82. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
83. All About Eve (1950)
84. 8.3 Inglourious Basterds (2009)
85. Once Upon a Time in America (1984)
86. Full Metal Jacket (1987)
87. The Green Mile (1999)
88. Braveheart (1995)
89. The Great Dictator (1940)
90. Downfall (2004)
91. Up (2009)
92. The Apartment (1960)
93. Gran Torino (2008)
94. Bicycle Thieves (1948)
95. Metropolis (1927)
96. The Maltese Falcon (1941)
97. The Elephant Man (1980)
98. Gladiator (2000)
99. The Sting (1973) 
100. Sin City (2005)

There is heat in freezing, be a testament

HOW TO BE ALONE by Tanya Davis

If you are at first lonely, be patient. If you’ve not been alone much, or if when you were, you weren’t okay with it, then just wait. You’ll find it’s fine to be alone once you’re embracing it.

We could start with the acceptable places, the bathroom, the coffee shop, the library. Where you can stall and read the paper, where you can get your caffeine fix and sit and stay there. Where you can browse the stacks and smell the books. You’re not supposed to talk much anyway so it’s safe there.

There’s also the gym. If you’re shy you can hang out with yourself in mirrors, you could put headphones in.

And there’s public transportation, because we all gotta go places.

And there’s prayer and meditation. No one will think less if you’re hanging with your breath seeking peace and salvation.

Start simple. Things you may have previously avoided based on your avoid-being-alone principles.

The lunch counter. Where you will be surrounded by chow-downers. Employees that only have an hour and their spouses work across town and so they — like you — will be alone.

Resist the urge to hang out with your cell phone.

When you are comfortable with eat-lunch-and-run, take yourself out for dinner. A restaurant with linen and silverware. You’re no less intriguing a person when you’re eating solo dessert and cleaning the whipped cream from the dish with your finger. In fact, some people at full tables will wish they were where you were.

Go to the movies. Where it is dark and soothing. Alone in your seat amidst a fleeting community.

And then, take yourself out dancing to a club where no one knows you. Stand on the outside of the floor until the lights convince you more and more and the music shows you. Dance like no one’s watching…because, they’re probably not. And, if they are, assume it is with best in human intentions. The way bodies move genuinely to beats is, after all, gorgeous and affecting. Dance until you’re sweating, and beads of perspiration remind you of life’s best things, down your back like a brook of blessings.

Go to the woods alone, and the trees and squirrels will watch for you.

Go to an unfamiliar city, roam the streets, there’re always statues to talk to and benches made for sitting give strangers a shared existence if only for a minute and these moments can be so uplifting and the conversations you get in by sitting alone on benches might’ve never happened had you not been there by yourself.

Society is afraid of alone though, like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements, like people must have problems if, after a while, nobody is dating them. But lonely is a freedom that breathes easy and weightless and lonely is healing if you make it.

You could stand, swathed by groups and mobs or hold hands with your partner, look both further and farther in the endless quest for company. But no-one’s in your head and by the time you translate your thoughts, some essence of them may be lost or perhaps it is just kept. Perhaps in the interest of loving oneself.

Perhaps all those sappy slogans from preschool over to high school’s groaning were tokens for holding the lonely at bay. Cuz if you’re happy in your head than solitude is blessed and alone is okay.

It’s okay if no-one believes like you. All experience is unique, no-one has the same synapses, can’t think like you, for this be relieved, keeps things interesting, life's magic, things in reach.

And it doesn’t mean you aren't connected, that community’s not present, just take the perspective you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it. Take silence and respect it. If you have an art that needs a practice, stop neglecting it. If your family doesn’t get you, or a religious sect is not meant for you, don’t obsess about it.

You could be in an instant surrounded if you need it.

If your heart is bleeding make the best of it.

There is heat in freezing, be a testament.